Home Is Where The Hate Is
Original Air Date:June 22, 2008
Written by:Doc Hammer and Jackson Publick
SummaryAs The Monarch and Dr. Mrs. The Monarch settle into their new home and a new, no-more-arching-Dr.-Venture anymore life, Dr. Venture receives an unorthodox introduction to his new Guild assigned nemesis, which quickly lands him in the center of the deadly web that is the suburban supervillain community.
We are in a lovely suburban community. A paperboy is doing his daily deliveries. His customers happily pick up their daily paper. However, this is no ordinary paperboy. He's more of a paperrobot- boy? Paperrobotboy? The point is that he's got some sort of robotic panel where his face should be. He rides past the community sign: Welcome to MALICE. A Nice Place to Hate. He rides up the driveway to Phantom Limb's former house which has the Monarch's Cocoon parked outside. A paper hits a henchman in the head.
Inside meanwhile, the Monarch has started a fire on Phantom Limb's bed and is throwing the majority of his crap onto it.
Dr. Girlfriend: Well then sell them! Do you have to burn them? It's insane!
The Monarch: Hey you know what's insane? That you slept with a guy who read The Secret. You want the secret? Your ex-boyfriend's pathetic! Shhhh, don't tell anyone. Secret!
Dr. Girlfriend: Honey there's no way you're still upset about Limb. What's really bothering you, sweets.
The Monarch: It's this whole thing- OW [he stands up after sitting too close to the fire] This house, this neighborhood... I can't believe I live in a town called Malice!
Dr. Girlfriend: What, it's an excellent community; the lowest property tax in the district, three super markets and-
The Monarch: It's a gated community for super villains. It's like Boca Raton on Halloween around here.
Dr. Girlfriend: It's not that bad, I mean, Manta Claws lives a block away- you love Manta Claws!
The Monarch: Until I found out that he uses a little hidden SCUBA tank and the claws are sculpy.
Dr. Girlfriend: What about Sergent Hatred? You like him, right?
The Monarch: Sergent Hatred? Sweetie, I only hung out with him so my henchmen could rob him blind while I pretended to listen to his boring stories.
Dr. Girlfriend: Well, he's having some kind of party tonight, and he was nice enough to invite us. I think we should go.
The Monarch: Yeah I'll be sure to put that on my to-don't list. What the hell does he have to celebrate anyway?
Over the Venture Compound a huge storm cloud moves in. Except it's red. Hank and Dean watch it with fear. A laser shoots down and writes a large 'H' in front of them in fire.
Dean: Hank, if the big man walks out of the burning cloud do not be afraid! That's Jesus!
[a large tank descends from the cloud]
Loudspeaker: Attention Dr. Thaddeus S. Venture! This is Sergent Hatred, your new arch-enemy. Prepare to meet your doom!!
The tank lands and a ton of army guys get out and surround Hank and Dean. Then Sgt. Hatred steps out of the tank.
Sgt. Hatred: Oh hey... your dad around?
It appears to be a few minutes later. All of Hatred's men are walking back to the tank. All of them are bloodied or battered and a few are missing limbs. Hatred, Dr. Venture and Brock are speaking in the Venture Industries lobby. Hatred is going on about how honored he is to work with Dr. Venture and Dr. Venture apologizes for Brock, who is breathing heavy and covered in blood.
Sgt. Hatred: When those new marching orders came down from the Guild brass I just thought 'Hatred, why don't you swing the old welcome tank over to the Venture Compound and give those kids a basket of howdy-do!
Dr. Venture: Is howdy-do fruit?
Sgt. Hatred: Okra! Me and the missus grow the hell out of it! Personally I can't stand the stuff.
Dr. Venture: So you're not here to try to kill me then?
Sgt. Hatred: Not yet anyway. [laughs] This is just a meet and greet. [he steps onto the moving walkway] Oh hey! Fancy!!
[Brock and Dr. Venture exchange glances and then follow Hatred onto the walkway]
Sgt. Hatred: You see, Dr. Venture, I've been at this a lot of years, and the one good thing I've learned is there's no good reason on god's green earth that arching has to be a completely unpleasant experience for either of us. Speaking of green earth, what have you got out there?! [he is looking at the lawn] Kentucky Bluegrass? God that is lush!!
Brock: Nah, that's my own special blend of blue ridge and creeping red.
Sgt. Hatred: I'm gonna say it again: LUSH!
Dr. Venture: So you won't be tearing my roof off in the middle of the night, or shooting at the guests attending my monthly book club?
Sgt. Hatred: Ahhp, none of that amateur hour malarkey! I know the difference between arching and real life, thank you. 'Hate to live, don't live to hate.' That's my motto.
Dr. Venture: Huh. That almost sounds sane compared to my last arch-enemy.
Meanwhile at the Monarch's new pad, Dr. Girlfriend is telling henchmen where things should go as the Monarch drags a mattress around. 21 approaches the Monarch.
Henchman 21: Hey, do you think you could sign this, boss? It's for 24. He got knifed by the moppets.
The Monarch: Which one is 24 again?
Henchman 21: What?! You're kidding, right? Let me give you a hint. You know how like every time you talk to me there's usually another guy next to me. That's 24.
The Monarch: Oh right, right. The one who sounds like Ray Romano. I like him.
Henchman 21: I, uh, staked out the room upstairs an-
The Monarch: You are not sleeping in this house, 21. None of you are!!
[all the henchmen gasp and some drop what they are holding]
Dr. Girlfriend: Uhh, what the Monarch is trying to say is we've discussed it and we just think it's time we started keeping our homes separate.
Henchman 21: What you're not gonna live in this sweet crib?
Dr. Girlfriend: Well no, we are-
Henchman 21: Well then which one is my room?
Dr. Girlfriend: No. We, meaning the Monarch and I- honey, a little help here?
The Monarch: [sighs] Minions!! Retreat to the Cocoon!! Now. You don't need to discuss with henchmen. Now what's this crap with your moppets and 24?
Dr. Girlfriend: [groans] It's awful, Tim-Tom and Kevin came to me in tears yesterday. They're telling me the other henchmen have been teasing them. Apparently 24 even picked a fight with them! Can you believe that?
The Monarch: 24? Not really.
Meanwhile back at the Venture Compound, Sgt. Hatred is asking Dr. Venture if he has any allergies or is taking any prescription drugs. Just in case they react negatively to nerve gas and stuff. You know, standard procedure.
Sgt. Hatred: On a scale of one to ten I want you to tell me how much menace you experience. Okay? Hand grenades.
Dr. Venture: Two.
Sgt. Hatred: Flame thrower.
Dr. Venture: Two.
Sgt. Hatred: [writes something down] Spiders!
Dr. Venture: Giant or regular?
Sgt. Hatred: Regular.
Dr. Venture: I don't know, like one.
Sgt. Hatred: Giant spiders!!
Dr. Venture: Three.
Sgt. Hatred: Are you sure? Giant spiders. Maybe wanna go to four?
Dr. Venture: Fine! Four! Look, is this gonna take all day?
Sgt. Hatred: Hey, I'm just trying to get you the biggest bang for your arching buck here. Almost done, sit tight. [he starts writing]
Dr. Venture: What are you writing?
Sgt. Hatred: Impatient. Your response to the test is part of the test.
Dr. Venture: Oh come on!!
Sgt. Hatred: Vicious attack dogs!!!
Back at the Monarch's pad the Monarch begrudgingly allows Kevin and Tim-Tom to stay in the house. Dr. Girlfriend is ecstatic and the moppets both walk into the bedroom carrying what appears to be a large cat bed. The Monarch yells that they are not sleeping at the foot of his bed. There are twenty rooms in the house; find one.
Back at the Venture compound Hatred is saying his good byes to Dr. Venture and Brock. He tells Dr. Venture that, once again, he's excited to work with him. He then pulls out a gun and shoots Dr. Venture in the stomach. Dr. Venture falls to the ground and Brock is about to rip off Sgt. Hatred's head when Hatred hands him the gun and tells him they were just rubber bullets. Dr. Venture, however, is on the ground in a pool of his own blood.
Sgt. Hatred: Wow. He's a delicate one, isn't he? They usually don't break the skin like that. [into a walkie talkie] Dallas troop!
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah we got a bleeder here. Eighty-six the non-lethal. We're going full nerf on this one!
The Monarch, meanwhile, is going through a book full of possible arch enemies. Dr. Quymn. No. Dr. Dugong. No. Dr. Girlfriend enters and tells the Monarch she's going to Hatred's party for a little while. The Monarch decides to sit home and sift through the Guild facebook; maybe pick a new arch. He flips to a page with a bald guy who turns into Dr. Venture and starts talking to him. Turns out Venture is actually at their door. Wrong house, he was looking for Sgt. Hatred's place.
The Monarch overhears that Dr. Venture is going to Hatred's party and reconsiders, instead heading there with Dr. Girlfriend.
At the party Dr. Venture, Brock and the boys enter. Hatred, however, due to issues with his past, is not allowed within 50 feet of a 'beautiful minor'. Dr. Venture sighs and is about to leave when the Monarch comes in and offers to let his henchmen babysit the boys. Brock protests but Dr. Venture says it's fine since the Monarch is no longer arching him. He then proceeds to eat all the shrimp at the party.
At the Cocoon:
Henchman 21: Okay, uh, 24's out sick, so you guys can sleep in here. Welp, good night!
Hank: Wait! Dude, it's like eight at night.
Henchman 21: Yeah. [yawns] And I am bushed!
Hank: Oh don't even try that!
Henchman 21: Look, no offense, but I am in no mood to play babysitter to the Ritalin twins tonight. Okay? My life sucks quite enough already, thank you. I have big boy problems.
| Dean: Girls?
Henchman 21: I wish!
Meanwhile at the party Hatred informs everyone that they have the name of a famous person pinned to their back and everyone needs to treat you as if you were that person. The first person to guess wins a prize! A masked woman tells Dr. Girlfriend she is married to a powerful man. Hulk Hogan's wife? No, you're famous for your pink suit and pillbox hat. Me?
The Monarch, however has taken to telling Dr. Venture what he thinks about him. Dr. Venture, of course, thinks they are playing the game. George Bush? Hitler? Socrates's son?
Brock, meanwhile, wants none of it and rips the tag off his back. He's Harry Dean Stanton! Brock wins! Dr. Girlfriend was Jaquelyn Onassis. Who? Dr. Venture was Mariah Carey. So close!
21 visits 24 in the Cocoon infirmary. 24 says he feels like a dwarf stuck a knife in him. 21 has been awesome enough to bring someone to cheer up 24 though! It's Dean, uh, with a clown nose. Dean quarantines the room, because smiles are contagious. 21 closes the door as 24 professes his hate for him, and 21 and Hank run down the hallways giggling.
Down in Sgt. Hatred's basement, Hatred is showing his equipment to the Monarch. The Monarch notes he has the same stuff only in yellow. However, Hatred does have something new; a microexplosive. It's a small computer chip with a timer on it which delivers an explosive blast and can be stuck to any target. The Monarch notes that his crack team is probably working on something similar right now. Hatred then moves on to something else and when he turns his back the Monarch steals the explosive.
Meanwhile in the Monarch's house's living room, Kevin and Tim-Tom are watching TV and discussing what appears to be a way to kill the Monarch's henchmen or possibly the Monarch via a gas leak of some sort. Hank and 21 are outside watching through the window.
Hank: That's your big problem? You're scared of two little babies?
Henchman 21: Dude, get back, they'll see you!
Hank: You got me all worked up! You said they had claws!
Henchman 21: Get back! Alright so I exaggerated a little. Did you see what they did to 24? They're like nasty, swearing spider monkeys. With knives.
Hank: [peering in the window and then noticing the TV] Holy smokes! That lady is in her birthday suit! I think they're watching no-no movies.
Henchman 21: No they're not! They're watching- they're watching Nell! And that's my DVD, hey!
Hank: Dude, I think I just saw Schindler's dingus!
Tim-Tom: Dude, this sucks. When does she meet Hannibal Lechter?
Kevin: 'Chickaba' shut the fuck up! Bitch is killing me!
[He changes the channel and a security camera image from behind Hank and 21 is shown on the TV]
Henchman 21: I don't remember this part. Is this the director's cut? [he realizes what is on the screen] Dude!! Holy craaap!! Book!
[He and Hank run away as Tim-Tom and Kevin turn around. After a brief pause 21 runs back into frame and waves his hand so he can see it on the TV.]
Henchman 21: Sweet infinity shot though! [he runs away again]
Kevin: It was 21, I saw him.
Tim-Tom: I counted two piggies. Who's he with?
Kevin: Who the hell you think?
Tim-Tom: Thought he was still in sick bay. Must be losing our touch.
Kevin: Well let's get it back. [he holds up his dagger]
Back at Sgt. Hatred's party, Dr. Girlfriend and Dr. Venture are chatting. Dr. Girlfriend accepts Dr. Venture's veiled apology. Dr. Venture keeps pressing the issue of their 'magic night' of course. But nothing happened. No really, nothing happened. Dr. Venture continues to insist that he's a very hot property, even wafting his 'smell' towards her and meowing. Dr. Girlfriend is about as impressed as everyone else.
Back in the sick bay 24 is telling Dean his life story (about his dad marrying his ex-girlfriend) when 21 and Hank barge in. Out in the hallway Tim-Tom and Kevin are calling for 21 and 24. 24 questions as to exactly why they are looking for him since he's been in the sick bay the entire time.
Meanwhile at Hatred's Brock is sitting in the den area watching TV:
Dr. Venture: Brock, what are you doing?
Brock: I'm watching this PBS special on giant crossbows.
Dr. Venture: Why!?
Brock: They look cool.
Dr. Venture: Why aren't you protecting me?! This is a den of thieves!
Brock: Doc, it's a bad party. Granted it's a party thrown by your arch-enemy but these guys have codes. You're safer here than you are at the compound.
Dr. Venture: Mmmmm, okay. You sure about that?
Brock: No. I really wanna see these guys shoot that crossbow! Thing's huge!
Sgt. Hatred: Hey Venture, whatdya- aww, you gotta keep this door closed or the cat'll get out.
Brock: Is that what that thing was? I thought it was some guy in a cat costume.
Sgt. Hatred: I know, it's huge! I don't know what the heck my wife feeds it. [to Dr. Venture] Son, you gotta get out there. It's your party and people wanna meet my Dr. Venture!
Back in the Cocoon the moppets are now hunting 21, 24 and the boys who attempt to escape. However the moppets find some sort of tracking device indicating where 21 and 24 are. Kevin comments that even 21's dot is fat.
Back at Hatred's charades are the game of the moment. Dr. Venture is flapping his wings like a bird and doing various bird-like things. The Monarch is highly annoyed and Dr. Girlfriend is guessing as best she can but nothing is correct. Time runs out and it turns out it was Birdie. With Nicholas Cage. It's the Monarch's turn now, and as he passes Doc he sticks the explosive on the small of his back.
The Monarch draws his card and makes the universal 'it's a movie' motion, which Dr. Venture responds to by yelling "it's a movie!" The Monarch guffaws him and proclaims 'duh' which gets him a penalty from Sgt. Hatred. Dr. Girlfriend guesses the answer but Hatred says he can't count it because the Monarch spoke. The Monarch starts his revenge tirade about how Hatred should mark his words but Hatred stops him since everyone in the room has heard it a thousand times. He's not getting the point.
Meanwhile in Hatred's huge back yard 21, 24 and the boys are still running for their lives. 24 comments that his wounds have opened back up. The moppets, in spite of having tiny legs, are catching up to them however. In a moment of desperation they push through some bushes and end up in one of those fancy rich people bush mazes. Shit.
Back at the party Hatred and Dr. Girlfriend (as well as the guy who was talking to Brock before) are smoking cigars and conversing. Sgt. Hatred has recommended Commander Consummate as a possible arch.
The Monarch: Are you smoking?
Dr. Girlfriend: Who?
The Monarch: You.
Dr. Girlfriend: Why?
The Monarch: What why? Are you smoking?!
Dr. Girlfriend: Maybe.
The Monarch: What?! When did you start smoking?
Dr. Girlfriend: 1989-ish?
The Monarch: So you have been lying!! It all makes sense! The filled ashtrays, the burning pine-scented hair spray-
Sgt. Hatred: I guess I'll say it: her three pack a day voice.
The Monarch: Why didn't you just tell me you liar!?
Dr. Girlfriend: Well, because you would-
The Monarch: Liar!!
Dr. Girlfriend: -do that.
The Monarch: LIAR!!!
[Dr. Girlfriend glares at him and then walks away]
Sgt. Hatred: You gotta learn to relax, son, you've got that hot little filly now. I know she used to keep Phantom Limb pretty relaxed.
The Monarch: Don't you dare bring him up!
Sgt. Hatred: Woah, sore spot. I know just the thing that'll help you relax. Take off your clothes.
In the maze meanwhile everyone is running when 21 and 24 notice a strange beeping noise. Dean suggests that it's Pac-Man, however it happens to be the Monarch-issue radar troop tracker. A chip in the henchmen uniform allows them to track them! Hmmmm.
Back at Sgt. Hatred's place he and the Monarch are having a soak in his jacuzzi. Sgt. Hatred starts to reminisce about when Dr. Girlfriend was with Phantom Limb...
The Monarch: Okay enough! You have been on me all night! You invite me over to watch my sworn enemy-
Sgt. Hatred: Woah! You mean my sworn enemy.
The Monarch: And the needling, and the Phantom Limb crap, what do you have against me anyway?
Sgt. Hatred: I'm a changed man, Monarch. There's less hatred in this old... Hatred. But I'm not a imbecile. I have been sitting back and watching you and your fat, worthless henchmen rob me blind.
The Monarch: What!? That-tha-tha-that's insane!
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah! Keep it up! Keep treating me like a doddering old man. Look you scrawny little turd, I was a professional villain while you were trading Garbage Pail Kids, I learned how to bide my time and strike when the troops are in position.
The Monarch: You can't touch me, grandpa! The Guild would bury you!
Sgt. Hatred: No, you'll be fine. You'll live to see me treat your arch-rival like a god damned king. Venture is my arch-enemy now and I am gonna cook him breakfast in bed. I am gonna make his life wonderful! And you can't do squat about it.
The Monarch: Ha!! You think the Monarch can be bested so easily! [he stands up]
Sgt. Hatred: Good lord sit down!
The Monarch: Oh deal with it! And deal with this! While you were cheating at party games I planted your microexplosives at the base of Venture's spine. In minutes he will be dead! In your home. Your career as a villain will be over! And I will have destroyed both of my enemies in one fell swoop!!
Dr. Venture: [pushed out the door by Brock] Alright fine! I'll take a soak! [to Monarch and Hatred] My man is insisting that I spend some get-to-know-you time with my antagonists. Not sure why. [he takes off his robe, Hatred and Monarch are scared out of their minds] I know, it's impressive. Ehh, looks like Rusty's inherited more than his father's startling intellect.
Meanwhile the moppets have found 21 and 24's uniforms. They stab the crap out of them, thinking that they are the real 21 and 24.
Dr. Venture's bomb, meanwhile, is counting down from four seconds. Three. Two. One. Zero. Bubbles rise from below.
Dr. Venture: Oops! Sorry, gentlemen. Must be all that shrimp.
[21 and 24, both naked, run past the hot tub]
Henchman 21: Heeeelp! The shrimps have knives!!
Henchman 21: Uhh, you know, you guys didn't have to take off your clothes too.
Hank: I saw you guys doing it and I thought: water slide! It's part of my DNA I think. [he puts his shirt back on]
Henchman 24: Ahh, I don't know. I guess what I really always wanted to do was be a cabinet maker.
Dean: I say follow your dreams! Even if they're about a giant spider with your father's head and he keeps stealing your penis!
Brock: Boys! Come on, we're going!
[Hank and Dean go towards the porch door and past Sgt. Hatred who is still in the hot tub]
Sgt. Hatred: Good night, boys! Hey, uh, sure you don't wanna have a little sleep-over? Wife's at her mothers and I've got a basement full of video games! Ehh? [the door closes] Maybe a shower?
- This episode is fourth in the airing order but was among one of the last episodes written for season three. With thirteen episodes total, this one was written and produced tenth. It's rare for an episode's air order to differ so much from its production order. The tentative title for this episode was 'My Dinner With Hatred'.
- Malice, or to be more specific the Monarch's line: "I live in a town called Malice" is a reference to a song by The Jam called Town Called Malice off their album The Gift. You can watch the video thanks to the magic of YouTube. Thanks out to 'PromoTheRobot' in ye ole comments.
- The Secret is a somewhat infamous self-help book which attests that positive and negative thoughts shape your life, even going as far as to say negativity can cause disease. It's of course been dismissed as pseudoscience by pretty much everyone in various fields of medicine.
- Brock being bloodied and breathing heavily is reminiscent of a similar episode he had in the pilot episode where he killed an alligator and then dared some UN guards to take his knife away from him. He was even wearing the same clothes.
- While at the compound Sgt. Hatred comments on the lawn, asking if it's Kentucky bluegrass. Brock responds by saying it's his own special blend of blue ridge and creeping red. Turns out Blue Ridge Grass is actually a popular bluegrass band (bluegrass being a style of music in this case). Creeping red (which is actually called 'Red Fescue') is an actual type of turf grass however. Thanks to Rob in the comments for that.
- Apparently it was 24 who got knifed towards the end of Shadowman 9.
- The first potential arch the Monarch sees in the Guild facebook is Dr. Quymn, who is the title character in an episode later in the season.
- Dr. Venture taking Hank and Dean to Sgt. Hatred's party reveals a few oddities. In Caged Bird Hank relays the following info:
Hank: Or touch us inappropriately. Dean: What?! When? That never hap- Hank: Sergeant Hatred? What, did you block that out? Oh, no wait. You were passed out from the wine. Most of it was awful. Trust me.So now we have Dr. Venture taking his boys to the house of a man who he probably knows at least attempted some kind of molestation. This can of course be shrugged off by Dr. Venture not caring about Hank and Dean all that much, or just forgetting because he's so self-centered. The second thing is Sgt. Hatred appears to not really know them. However he does note that he got into some trouble before he met his wife, so it's entirely possible that Hank and Dean were much younger when that event occur ed.
The final conundrum is why did Hank and Dean even want to go to the party? Hank actually disguised himself and pretended to be Russian just to sit next to Hatred at the Monarch's wedding, but now he is fine with walking into his house? It seems unlikely, but they could have also just been yelled at when they protested.
- Brock was Harry Dean Stanton, a fairly famous character actor who you may or may have not seen in a crapload of movies and old TV shows. Notable famous roles of his were Brett in Alien and Toot-Toot in The Green Mile. Also he played Roman Grant in Big Love.
- Dr. Girlfriend's outfit is of course modeled after a famous outfit worn by Jackie Onassis when she was married to John F. Kennedy. I'm not going to explain the joke any more than that. Really I've already said too much.
- Dean's visit to 24 is at least a partial reference to the movie (based on the book, which was based on the life/story of the title character) Patch Adams in which Patch would visit sick children wearing a clown nose and use the power of humor to help people. Also he was a doctor too, but a funny one.
- It's worth going back into the Monarch's relationship with Sgt. Hatred. Back in season one, before we ever saw Hatred, the Monarch mentioned stealing from him in passing. At the start of season two when 21 and 24 somehow managed to get the Cocoon running again, 24 also mentioned stealing a bunch of stuff from Sgt. Hatred's hover tank (which is cool, but broken) to use the parts. And then finally during the Monarch's wedding, Hank actually meets Hatred who notes that the monitors in the reception area look like the ones from his tank.
- The moppets are watching 21's copy of Nell which stars Jodie Foster and Liam Neeson. The movie itself is about a girl who grew up totally isolated from the world (with only her mother and sister) never meeting anyone and even putting together her own language with her sister. Kevin misidentifies the movie as being Silence of the Lambs, another movie starring Jodie Foster and Hank identifies Liam Neeson as Schindler since he played Oskar Schindler in Schindler's List.