Original Air Date:August 21, 2004
Written by:Jackson Publick
- ...and as always, SOUL-BOT as H.E.L.P.eR.
To protect the Venture compound while Brock is on his yearly survival sabbatical, Dr. Venture builds a panic room and a robotic bodyguard -- which are put to the test when both the Monarch's and Baron Underbheit's henchmen choose the same night to launch attacks. While the supervillans bicker over who has dibs on Dr. Venture, Brock is busy befriending the strangest couple in the Cascadian mountains. Oh yeah, and HELPeR runs away in a fit of jealousy.
We start off at Underland with Baron Underbheit addressing three of his loyalish servants; Catclops, Girl Hitler and Manic 8-Ball. They give him various status reports and he thanks them. And then he accuses them of drinking too deep from his cup of villainous plenty. However, being the nice guy he is, he allows them to resign their posts and no further punishment will apply. Yeah right.
He also has some lovely parting gifts for them: strapped under their chairs are containers of Tiger balm. The three don't really know what this means, but the Baron has disappeared while they were looking at their gifts. Just then three large tigers come out of compartments in the walls that opened and attack the three minions.
Outside the dining hall (which has now been sealed off) the Baron presses a button on a remote control. Some devices strapped to the tigers beep and light flash and they explode. Tiger bomb. Get it?! Underbheit's manservant congratulates the Baron on a job well done eliminating his enemies, to which Underbheit responds that he hasn't eliminated them all. Venture.
Roll opening credits.
At the Venture Compound Brock is leaving for his yearly sabbatical, though Dr. Venture doesn't want him to leave since he hasn't finished his security system yet. Hank attempts to stow away, but Brock won't let him, so instead Hank falls out of the car in an attempt to look cool. Brock leaves Hank in charge saying he is the "man of the house" and then drives away before Dr. V can object any more.
What the hell are you smiling about?
Brock said I'm the man of the house while he's gone!
Oh, so you think you're a big man now, huh?!
... No. Sir?
Think you can take on your old dad, huh? I knew this day would come! [rolls up sleeves] Go ahead, big man, take your best shot!
Wha- what do you mean, pop?
No! Stop it you two! This family's tearing apart! [starts crying]
You proud of yourself big man?! Look what you're doing to your poor brother.
Brock meanwhile pulls up to a roadblock manned by the army. He talks to the officer a bit, showing his ID, and then drives off into a back road after the officer tells him they're conducting 'routine exercises'.
Back at the Venture Compound it's night and Dr. Venture has fallen asleep at his lab desk. HELPeR walks by and carries him off to bed, blueprints still in hand. Up at his bed Dr. Venture drops the blueprints which are revealed to be plans for a new robot (that's exactly what they say at the top as well). HELPeR freaks out upon seeing this and runs away, a shadow in the remains unnoticed.
The shadow belongs to that of one of Underbheit's henchmen who releases a black scorpion into the Doc's room. HELPeR, meanwhile, has packed up his belongings (a picture of him and young Rusty Venture, some assorted light bulbs, and a couple of batteries) into a handkerchief and ties it onto the end of a pole (old-school running away style), and runs away. Meanwhile as the scorpion moves in for the kill yet another shadow is seen in the other window in Dr. V's bedroom.
This one belongs to the henchman of the Monarch, who releases a large spider into the bedroom. The spider and scorpion duke it out a little, and the two henchmen finally notice each other and get into a bit of a shoving match themselves. The ruckus awakes Dr. Venture who, upon seeing the fighting arachnids on his chest, panics and hits a button on his nightstand which locks down the entire house and drops he and the boys into the Venture panic room.
The fall of course doesn't wake the boys until their father screams at them. They notice the bugs, now on Dr. Venture's shoulders, and Hank smacks his dad in the face with a fire extinguisher as a solution. Both the boys then dispose of the two arachnids while their father lays on the floor unconscious.
Meanwhile the Monarch and Underbheit henchmen (there are at least six of each outside now) get into a verbal fight trying to figure out who should be able to take out Dr. Venture. They all decide to call their respective bosses because nobody knows what to do.
In the panic room Dean and Hank are a bit overwhelmed:
We're too late! Pop's been stung by a tarantula and a scorpion! He's delirious!
[DR. VENTURE babbles]
Holy crap, what do we do?!
Uh, the first thing you do is tie a tourniquet to keep the toxins from reaching his brain!
Check! While I do that you go to the lab and see if there's any anti-venom in the first aid kit.
Good thinkin'! Uhm... where are we anyway?
I don't know. [points at a door] But that looks like a door!
Turns out the lab is right behind the door, so Dean heads in while Hank rips off his dad's pant leg and ties it around his neck. Dean grabs the first aid kit but has a red light shined on him and a familiar voice tells him to halt. Dean turns around, but it's actually a big robot with his dad's face on a TV screen and it looks pretty angry.
Dean screams and pees his pants (shorting out his hover boots, which he wore to sleep for whatever reason) and then runs back into the panic room where Dr. Venture was awoke by his son choking him.
There's something out there, and it's made of metal, and it has dad's face, and it wants to beat me up! This is just like my dream.
Yeah, but did you get the first aid kit?
I don't need first aid, Hank, I need you to stop choking me and hitting me with fire extinguishers.
But pop, you're bleeding!
[looks down at his chest] Huh? Oh this. Uh, no, it's fairly common for some men to lactate involuntarily in situations of extreme stress.
[looks over at Dean's pants] Dean's lactating too!
At the Monarch's cocoon he gets a phone call from his henchmen explaining that Underbheit's henchmen are there as well. The Monarch decides he needs to call Underbheit to get some things straightened out, pissing off Dr. Girlfriend in the process (because he wouldn't tell her what was going on).
Brock, in the meantime, is roasting some kind of animal and wearing camouflage paint when he hears something in the bushes behind him. It doesn't answer him so he throws his knife which hits the mark and causes the target to yell in pain.
Back at the Venture Compound GUARDO (that's the name of the robot that tried to beat up Dean) continues to beat on the door. Dr. Venture reveals that GUARDO was built to protect them while Brock was away, but he fell asleep before he could program their faces into his friendly file. Dr. Venture tries to contact Brock for help, but nobody is answering because Brock is off... somewhere.
Back at the Cocoon the Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend have prepared chips and drinks for Baron Underbheit:
Royalty. That's how they are. [takes a drink from his cup and spits it out] What is this, diet?! Why did you get diet?!
Taste this then! [he makes her take a drink]
Okay, I might have grabbed the wrong bottle at the supermarket.
How do you do that!? How can you not tell the difference?! God, it's like having my dad do the shopping!
Just then the Baron arrives. A big laser thingy comes out of the ceiling and shoots at the Baron, who deflects all the shots with his laser deflecting wrist bands (disintegrating some Monarch henchmen in the process) and then retaliates by throwing a blade thingy at the Monarch who simply ducks it. They then exchange menacing poses and grimaces for a while until they both decide it's futile and give up.
Outside the Compound the Monarch's henchmen invite the Underbhiet henchmen over to the Monarchmobile for some beers.
Brock, meanwhile, is chasing whatever it is he stabbed before, which turns out to be a Sasquatch (or the Sasquatch?). He tackles it and they are about to grapple when Brock is punched in the face by a guy with a red jumpsuit who moves with an odd blur effect. Brock tries to fight back, but he's outmatched for once. The jumpsuit guy tosses him and Brock lands near his knife which he throws at the jumpsuit guy's leg. It sparks and sizzles.
Bionic, huh? Let's see how bionic. [he kicks Summers in the crotch]
[doubled over in pain] Oomph. Right in my Cape Canaverals. [groans]
Wait a minute, I know you too. You're Steve Summers, astronaut.
I thought you died.
That's what everyone was meant to think. True, I was barely alive after my test ship broke up, but the Army saved me. They spent six million dollars to give me all new bionic parts. Made me stronger, better, faster than I was. Then you know what they did? They put me to work! They expected me to pay it all back! Do you have any idea how long six million bucks takes to pay off on a government salary!?
Back at the Cocoon Dr. Girlfriend is showing Manservant around while Underbheit and the Monarch debate over who should be able to take out Dr. Venture. Underbheit wants to have at Dr. Venture because he's the one who caused him to have a metal jaw (a lab gone bad in college apparently). The Monarch informs him that he and Venture have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also cat for many years, however.
Behold! [a large screen lowers with a picture of a butterfly and the words 'loading' above it] But a small glimpse into the genius that is my thirty-seven point ongoing plan to ruin Dr. Venture's life! [he hits a button] Oop. That's my resume. Hold on. [he fiddles with the computer which beeps in response] Damnit! Hold on a sec.
No, no, here, let me just reboot this. [he presses more buttons and the screen shows a new loading bar and the computer begins to click] I- I have a lot of extensions.
Things for Dr. Venture and the boys don't seem to be getting any better. Brock still isn't answering Dr. Venture's calls, so they decide to call on HELPeR to, uh, help. Dr. Venture wonders where HELPeR is when there's no answer and Dean suggests that maybe HELPeR got jealous of the new robot and ran away. Dr. Venture decides Dean is right and apologizes to HELPeR who then rushes off to save the day.
Outside the Compound the henchmen discuss their lives and careers while HELPeR fires a grappling hook at the building to get back inside without being seen. The henchmen finally decide that they've had enough waiting around and it's time to do some damage even if they can't get inside the building.
Brock, meanwhile, is listening to a slightly disgusting and rather disturbing story about how Summers and Sasquatch met and why he is on the run (because he took one look at those big blue eyes and realized he couldn't finish his mission, or any mission). Just then a helicopter is heard overhead and Summers tells Brock to leave since it might get ugly. Brock instead has a better idea. He rips off Summers' arm and goes after Sasquatch with his knife... oh no!
Meanwhile the henchpeople are having at the outside of the Compound with toilet paper and spray paint and peeing on various things. During this HELPeR shorts out the Compound system which causes GUARDO to leave his door punching post to wander off elsewhere. It also causes the security doors to open and GUARDO walks out to the henchparty, rather annoyed at them all.
The next morning Brock drives past the same roadblock, with two guests. Some old vets who look strikingly similar to a shaved bigfoot and Steve Summers with one arm and a wig made out of shaved bigfoot. But the guard lets them go by anyway.
You coulda told me that Sasquatch was a... a dude.
Huh? What, you couldn't tell?
Not until I had to [shudders] shave him.
What are you, shy? Sasquatch doesn't have anything you haven't seen before.
Sasquatch is something I haven't seen before!!
Back at the Cocoon the Baron and the Monarch have decided to team up to kill Dr. Venture. The Monarch attempts to call the henchmen with the good news, but nobody is answering the phone. We then shift to the Venture Compound where there are multiple dead or battered henchmen amid a lot of chaos and destruction. Brock drives up in the middle of all this and accidently hits GUARDO, who is disabled by this. Yes, this super powerful robot is no match for a '67 Dodge Charger.
Roll end credits.
HELPeR, meanwhile, refuses to let Dr. Venture out of the panic room in a deadly deadlock of pushing the close door button from the outside whenever Dr. Venture pushes the open door button. It's funnier when you actually see it, trust me.
- Steve Summers is of course a parody of Col. Steve Austin from the old 70's TV show The Six Million Dollar Man which was about Austin (played by Lee Majors) who was made bionic after he was crippled in a jet accident. The blurring effect of his movement when we first see him in the show is also taken from The Six Million Dollar Man as it was used (in conjunction with a popular sound effect) when he moved very fast or did something bionic. I guess.
- Sasquatch, more commonly known as 'Bigfoot' is a common myth or real thing (whatever you want to believe) which is often sighted in North America, usually by crazy rednecks. If you want some more Sasquatch info, check out this webpage.
- A bit more insight on the whole Six Million Dollar Man parody was told to me by someone only identified as 'G':
Re: Steve Summers-- Steve Austin's girlfriend was Jaime Sommers AKA The Bionic Woman, hence his last name. And Sasquatch became a recurring character and Steve Austin's friend on the "The Six Million Dollar Man, hence the eventual relationship.
The Bionic Woman was first a spinoff TV movie and then a spinoff TV series, and the main character's name was indeed Jamie Sommers. The second part I didn't believe at first, but upon viewing an episode list for Six Million Dollar Man it actually is true. Bigfoot was featured in at least five episodes (based on their titles alone), and possibly appeared in more. So there you go!
- Dean and Hank's pajamas should be fairly familiar to anyone with basic superhero knowledge. Dean is of course Spider-Man and Hank is Aquaman. Interesting aside, Chris McCulloch, who does the voice of Hank, has the rank of 'Colonel Aquaman' at Astrobase. So this is perhaps a nod to that. Maybe.
- Speaking of the boys' nightwear, reader Machete pointed this out to me:
Dean & Hank's pajamas are more than just superhero references. They are references to under-roos, which were popular in the 80s with the gen-X crowd. I think the brand was revived to take advantage of 80's retro trends but the designs were updated. I think Hank and Dean are wearing the original designs.
And wouldn't you know it, he's right. I forgot all about underoos, myself. They appear to still be around now, here's a Spider-man set, which is not quite the same as Dean's. Original pairs from the 80's can apparently fetch a pretty penny (or 10,000 pretty pennies) on eBay. That's some expensive underwear.
- GUARDO does stand for something, but we never find out what. I won't even hazard a guess on it because it's hard to make up acronyms with a 'U' in them.
- This episode is the first appearance of Baron Underbheit, who apparently runs his own country where he pretty much rules everyone with an iron fist (or iron jaw) to better himself. He is mentioned in the first episode though. Machete brings some more info the the table:
Baron Underbheit is a parody of Dr. Doom. Dr. Doom had his own country, Latveria (thinly-disguised Latvia). In fact, his title is that of Baron. I'll feel pretty stupid if you mentioned this elsewhere but I thought I'd mention it, anyway.
I actually knew this myself, but I had somehow forgotten to put it anywhere, so thanks to Machete for bringing that to my attention.