O.S.I. Love You
Original Air Date:June 30, 2013
Written by:Jackson Publick
Brock and the O.S.I. come under fire from the higher ups when they lose two high value super-criminal prisoners. Somebody helped them escape, and everyone aboard the hover-quarters is a suspect in this 22 minute potboiler-even the visiting Ventures.
Capsule & Notes
It's Montroso's yacht. He's on the deck, sunbathing with Molotov. They're heavily guarded. A henchman brings him a drink and he makes a toast to he and Molotov and they drink.
In case it wasn't obvious from Molotov and Monstroso's offscreen deaths in "Operation: P.R.O.M." as well as finding a decoy Monstroso in "What Color Is Your Cleansuit?" this finally wraps up the Molotov/Monstroso storyline and, hopefully, answers any questions you had about it. Mind you, the episode ends up asking further questions, but at least the old threads are wrapped up, right? It would be less exciting without the mystery and you know it!
Up in the sky there are a number of OSI agents in a helicopter. He's in the crosshairs of an OSI agent named Headshot, who naturally is a sniper. Brock informs him that they need Monstroso alive, so no headshots, Headshot. He also can't kill Molotov. Headshot accuses Brock of still being sweet on her when another agent (Amber Gold, named later on) who is dating Headshot, defends Brock, saying he could never love someone like Molotov.
You gonna be okay, sport? Can't be easy for you to see Molostro again.
I'm fine. [pause] 'Molostro?'
Yeah, it's my celebrity couple name for them. Or do you like 'Monstrotov' better?
Brock doesn't answer and instead tells Sky Pilot to inform Molostro of their presence. Flares are fired from the ship and we pull back to reveal that there are four other jets. On the deck of the boat Molotov offers to fight them off but Monstroso instead suggests that they 'give them a show' which leads to Molotov mounting Monstroso. And uh, well, you can figure out what happens next.
Up on the jet Brock screams. Maybe he's not totally fine?
Here are Monstroso and Molotov's mugshots. Not much information is disclosed about Monstroso, except that his age and birthdate are unknown (and he's 7'4" and 563 lbs, not twelve feet like Mr. Frost says later). Molotov's age/birthdate are similarly unknown but we do see some information about her arrest and that she was actually wanted dead or alive, contrary to what Brock said.
Brock, now with a number of bandages on his face, is being questioned by an agent in a black suit and fedora, similar to Agent Cardholder or Doe.
In a different interrogation room with a different suited agent, Hunter is also being questioned.
In yet a third room, Shoreleave is being questioned by another agent, though he doesn't have a hat and seems to be a little calmer than the other two.
[To HUNTER] Oh, smart guy, huh? Alright, Einstein, do the math on this one. How does one skinny redhead take down an army of super agents and a hundred-billion dollar hover fortress?
Back to Brock's room.
How in the hell do you lose a twelve foot man?!
Well. [Takes a drag of his cigarette] It wasn't easy.
Opening credits logo.
In front of what appears to be a docked Hover-Quarters, Brock and Hunter wait for the new 'Misters' that are being sent in from Washington. Hunter says that he's going to try and tell these new ones as little as possible after the Cardholder and Doe fiasco. The three agents approach Brock and Hunter and introduce themselves. Mister Frost, Mister Sample and Master Yourname. Yourname attempts to shake Hunter's hand, which Hunter ignores. Sorry, he's a rookie. He hasn't earned his hat yet.
You know why we're here, Gathers. Washington wants a full report on this colossal clusterfudge.
But we're gonna want to interview all the key players.
[Grunts] Fine, do your worst, you vultures. We've got nothing to hide.
Alright, let's start from the beginning.
Hunter notes that the objective was a complete success; achieved with limited resistance and zero casualties. They secured the prisoners and followed every protocol. Uh, except for the uncleared civilians.
What the hell were they doing there in the first place?
Oh. Sgt. Hatred explains that he came to get his breasts checked out. Or more accurately to get rid of them. Hunter seems upset about that. Hatred notes that the Venture family came along with him for moral support. Frost asks why Hunter is still using resources on protecting Dr. Venture, which Hunter explains by saying that Hatred isn't very valuable. Aww, poor guys.
Sgt. Hatred is being examined by a doctor who says that he's pretty sure that the Nomolestol Hatred is on (to keep him from molesting, naturally) is having an adverse interaction with the super soldier serum from 1988.
Super soldier? Him? [Dismissive noise]
Hey now, I keep a straight face every time you call yourself a "super scientist."
The doctor also says that he's concerned with Hank, due to him also having breasts. Hank, who is still wearing the strength suit, points out that they're just built into the suit. Doc asks if he has any meds anyway, since Hank's been wearing the suit for weeks and he's starting to smell. Same way he was with the Batman suit.
Yeah, only now he doesn't die when he jumps off the roof.
Brock explains that the Ventures didn't have anything to do with it, they just happened to be there. He says that he wanted to start questioning Monstroso earlier but he was held up by the fact that it takes a really long time to strip search Monstroso. So while he was waiting he went to take a peek at Molotov's cell.
Time for some Brock and Molotov backstory.
Molotov was a gymnast at the Goodwill Games and he and his first partner were undercover because they had intel that the Siberian Husky, the KGB's deadliest assassin, was planning to strike. Brock admits that he was distracted by... things and didn't do his job as well as he could have. We see the Husky take out a pistol with the intent of killing someone in the crowd (possibly Mikhail Gorbachev, possibly Ted Turner). Brock's partner takes out his own weapon and is about to fire on the Husky when he himself is shot by Molotov, who is also on her first assignment. She fires on Brock multiple times but doesn't him him. Brock grabs a javelin and throws it at Molotov, but she dodges it and it instead kills the Husky.
And her father trained her well.
This flashback is a pretty big Brock and Molotov reveal, or more specifically it's how their relationship began. We already knew from "The Incredible Mr. Brisby" that Brock took Molotov's eye, Molotov killed Brock's partner and Brock killed Molotov's father, and now we see exactly how two of those events transpired.
In the crowd we see Mikhail Gorbachev who in 1986 would have been General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. Gorbachev was responsible for a large amount of reform in the USSR during his time as leader so it makes sense that someone might want him dead.
Next to Gorbachev is Ted Turner, who founded Turner Broadcasting, the company that owns Cartoon Network and Adult Swim. It's possible the assassination attempt was on his life as well. Turner was present in the crowd because he founded The Goodwill Games in response political trouble surrounding the Olympics. The 1979 invasion of Afghanistan caused many western nations to boycott the Olympics and in turn the USSR and many other Soviet countries boycotted the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles.
Frost presses Brock for more on his relationship with Molotov.
In the room with Doc, Hatred and Dean, Doc reveals that their relationship was strictly professional. She was the babysitter.
Mr. Sample accuses Hunter, throwing down a photo of he and Molotov back during his time with the Black Hearts. Hunter says that he was undercover, infiltrating the Black Hearts.
Brock makes sure it's clear.
Brock's line here is a reference to Bill Clinton's remarks on the Monica Lewinski scandal.
Listen to me very carefully: I did not have sex with that woman.
In Hunter's interrogation he lets Mr. Sample know that he saw an increase in tips once he got some boobs and cut off his pud. Makes sense.
Brock continues to try to convince Mr. Frost that he didn't have a sexual relationship with Molotov, mostly because of her chastity belt. Like the one they found in Brock's barracks. Uh oh. Brock says he was going to file it. It's evidence. Frost tries to get Brock to confess that he was the one who busted Mol out. Brock can account for his whereabouts though. He was in the same room.
Brock is questioning Monstroso, who is dressed in some tied up sheets or blankets or something. Brock apologizes for not having any clothes that fit Monstroso. They don't have anything in 'stupid big'. Monstroso says that it doesn't matter anyway since he's as good as dead. The Guild would be after him shortly. So, seems like a good time to spill his guts.
Let's start with the Sovereign.
Mr. Bowie lives in New York City. Why don't you go there and ask him yourself?
You and I both know the Sovereign's not really Bowie. I met 'em both, and the real Bowie can't turn into a hawk. So who is he?
The man now known as the Sovereign was one just a petty super criminal. Talented but down-on-his-luck shapeshifter. He and the real Bowie met in '72. Rumor has it the creature on the cover of Diamond Dogs is actually an unaltered photo of the Sovereign.
So he just gave you all this?
That and more.
[Back to 4 Hours Ago]
He may also have been the woman beside Bowie on the cover of Pin Ups. But you're asking the wrong questions, Agent Samson. If you really want to take down the Guild you should start with the council.
Speculation & Episode Notes
The Bowie reveal here is also a pretty big one, since everything seems to have indicated that David Bowie is the Sovereign up until this point. We'll see where this takes us in the future, or if Monstroso was even telling the truth (or if it even matters at all).
The original cover for Diamond Dogs included a painting of Bowie as a half-man, half-dog, done by Guy Peelleart. However the dog part of him was anatomically correct, which caused some controversy and RCA recalled the album and revised the cover to have the genitalia airbrushed out. If you can find an original copy, complete with genitalia, it's actually worth quite a bit of money.
It's possible Monstroso is not telling the entire truth here, since we saw all the council members together (though their faces were still obscured) in a flashback of a party at Phantom Limb's house in "Shadowman 9: In the Cradle of Destiny".
Brock explains to Mr. Frost that the Guild is actually run by committee. Monstroso had pictures of the council members though it's impossible to see their faces. They only meet via telescreen in order to protect their anonymity. Monstroso only recognized one voice, belonging to Councilman 4; The Clue Clown.
An alarm goes off. Brock goes into the observation room to find out that Molotov escaped. See, it wasn't Brock after all.
Mr. Sample is now questioning Headshot and Amber Gold. Amber confesses that it was her fault. She was guarding Molotov. We see back from when Amber was scanning Molotov. A machine complains about a foreign object in Molotov's eyepatch, which Amber instructs Molotov to remove. She examines it and when she's not looking Molotov pulls something out of her empty eye socket. Uh oh. Also, gross.
Headshot is voiced by series semi-regular Bill Hader (who is also the new voice of Professor Impossible) and Amber Gold is voiced by Paget Brewster, who has previously appeared on a number of TV shows including Friends and Criminal Minds. Most notably for Adult Swim watchers she also voiced Birdgirl in Harvey Birdman (thanks, Apple Mummy!). She is also a regular on Thrilling Adventure Hour, a staged radio-style production that James Urbaniak also regularly appears on.
Headshot explains that he's the one who sounded the alarm. He and Amber were going away for the weekend together and he saw her walk by on his way out. However he quickly stopped to "check on" Molotov (read: sexually assault) only to discover that she was actually Amber dressed in Molotov's prisoner jumpsuit! Without her wig. She's still blonde, guys, just not 'gold'. Headshot seems unhappy about this fact.
In the interrogation room with Dean, Dr. Venture and Sgt. Hatred, Dean finally cops to it. He did it. He let them out. And he's not sorry.
In the same interrogation now all three Misters are questioning Dean. Dean explains that while Hatred was being tested Dr. Venture was taking him around the hover-quarters.
Doc explains to Dean that he had an internship on the ship back when he was Dean's age. He finds his old lab which is of course no longer filled with his old lab stuff but instead has that weird doctor guy who removed Hunter's pud and worked for SPHINX. Dr. Vulcano! He's working with two humans who are kept in shallow tanks on the floor called 'Premos', which he explains is short for 'premonition.' Whenever they have a premonition they poop a ball into a tube. The ball has a premonition written on it. Weird, but okay, I guess. One of them does so and Vulcano retrieves it.
Ohh, false alarm. You know when like you have a dream and in that dream you get like a really good idea, so you wake up and you write it down and when you read it later on, you look at it, and it's just a bunch of bullshit?
He holds up the ball.
Dean asks if they just live in the tanks and if they ever get let out. However before Vulcano can answer an alarm goes off and he rushes out of the lab. The two premos give Dean the 'Go Team Venture' salute.
The concept of the 'premos' is taken from the 2002 film Minority Report, though they are called 'precogs' in the film (and Philip K. Dick short story), which is short for 'precognition.' The premise of the film is that the precogs can see future events and are used to stop murders before they are committed. In the film there are three of them, similarly isolated in a shallow tank, and hooked up to a machine that can read their thoughts, effectively giving the police a window into the future. In the film it is the machine that produces a ball which has only the name of the future murderer etched onto it, and not the prediction itself.
Dean explains that he could just feel that they didn't want to be there, so when the alarm went off he took advantage of the confusion and set them free. Mr. Frost angrily grabs Dean's soda back from him and he and Mr. Sample leave, telling Yourname to call them back when he's actually got some valuable info. Something not fruity.
Yourname is now questioning Shoreleave, who is explaining where he was four hours ago. Which was watching a video Al recorded for him in honor of their anniversary. I think you can see where this is headed, but just in case you haven't figured it out yet, here's a hint:
Yourname says that they can probably just skip that. Shoreleave explains that he got off, the alarm went off and then Hunter called a meeting.
Hunter explains that Molotov is loose on the ship and she's a master of disguise, so she could be anyone. Shoreleave looks at Afterburner suspiciously before yanking his helmet off. Nope, just Afterburner under there. Hunter tells them to get down to level C where Molotov was last seen. The OSI agents rush off.
Doc asks if they can just leave, but lockdown means lockdown. Hank, meanwhile, wants to help, but naturally Hunter wants no part of it. It gets to the point where Hunter points a gun at Hank's head and Hatred has to rush to get them off the bridge. Not sure why they were on it in the first place, but never mind that.
Brock is still in the interrogation room with Mr. Frost. He explains that he was still in the interrogation room talking to Monstroso on Hunter's orders. Best to have him there in case Molotov tried to spring Monstroso.
Brock questions Monstroso about the Investors next. Monstroso refuses to answer, and then we see an investor appear behind Brock (but unseen by him). Monstroso flips over the table, knocking Brock over and hiding the rest of the room from him. Monstroso runs from the investor but is met by another one that comes through the wall at him. The third investor is in the observation room. Terrified, he runs across the tiny room twice, stepping on the table (and Brock) before the investors corner him. They place their hands on his chest and make him pass through the wall of the ship. Once he's entirely outside the ship he falls to the ground. The investors silently disappear through the floor.
If you need to brush up on your Investors, rewatch "The Silent Partners" since that's where they first appeared in any sort of major role (they had a brief cameo in "Pomp & Circuitry" as well). From "The Silent Partners" we learned that King Gorilla traded his life sentence for his heart, which Monstroso would get upon King's death. However it's unclear from that episode if Monstroso knew that King Gorilla would be killed for his heart. It also appeared that Monstroso was working with the investors whereas here they are definitely after him. If that's the case then what do they want with him, and what did he give them in exchange for King's heart?
Also in any other series I would assume Monstroso to be dead, but if I don't see a dead body or severed head I will always take a character's death with a grain of salt.
Brock stands up, notices that Monstroso is gone but is quickly flung into the wall as the entire room tilts.
Shoreleave notes that was probably his fault.
Down in level C, Molotov is kicking everyone's ass. Shoreleave tries to command his troupe of agents in but before he can one of them, Tank top, blows a hole in the door trying to shoot her. They chase after her and wait outside the place they think she's hiding. A small ball rolls out.
Shoreleave opens the door which, naturally, reveals the premos hiding in the closet. One of them poops another ball that says only "Look out behind you!" Molotov has been hiding in the ceiling above them. She kicks Shoreleave into the closet with the premos and the door is closed. Bullets fire outside, piercing the door but not hurting anyone inside. Shoreleave quickly busts out only to find all his fellow agents dead. He fires on Molotov but she lands on him, aiming her two uzis at him. She fires but appears to be empty. Shoreleave hits her on both sides of her head with her own ammunition magazines. Smooth.
In case you were keeping track, the OSI agents in this scene are: Shuttlecock (the astronaut with badminton rackets), Bum Rush (the hobo looking guy), Slap Chop (the martial arts guy) and of course Tank Top.
He's about to subdue her (probably) when Molotov detonates a bomb in each of the hover-quarters main engines. Two huge explosions rock the entire ship. Shoreleave and his dead compatriots fall down the hallway and Molotov grabs onto a doorway. We see the X-1, HELPeR inside, slide off the main deck. On the bridge Hunter commands someone named Snoopy to transfer all power to the secondary engines. A few seconds later the secondary engines kick in and hover-quarters rights itself.
Sgt. Hatred brags that he knows how to keep everyone safe and during this time everyone was in the only room with gyroscopic stabilizers. What room could that be?
Hank is complaining about everyone telling him to not do what he's doing, especially when he feels that his services are needed.
I'm sick and tired of the grown-ups always sticking me in the corner when the action calls! Nobody sticks Hank in the corner!
It's a round room, Hank. There aren't any corners.
Shut up, know-it-all! And you shut up too!
Hank grabs The Nozzle and rips it out of the wall. Dr. Venture, previously sleeping on Sgt. Hatred's ample bosom, wakes up.
Back in the interrogation room.
But you didn't keep them safe, did you? Dr. Venture, are you ready to tell me what happened to your other son? Uh, Hunk? Is it Hunk?
Hank. And no. I can't talk about that. I was napping at the time.
Yeah, Hank sometimes gets these notions in his noggin and there's just no stoppin' him.
Hank's line here, "All these things I can do. All these powers!" is paraphrased from a line spoken by Clark Kent in the 1978 version of Superman.
Sgt. Hatred looks out the porthole in the Nozzle room's door and sees Molotov. Hank has a moment of clarity, realizing that this is his destiny. Sgt. Hatred implores him to stay put, saying it's actually Hank's destiny to protect his family. Instead Hatred goes out. He fires both of his sidearms at Molotov as he runs towards her. Nothing hits her. She turns around and fires at him, but Hank quickly pushes Hatred through a wall and into the next room.
You kinda are my family, Uncle Vatred.
[HATRED is out cold]
Hank mentioning his crush on Molotov is a callback to "Assassinanny 911".
Hank confronts Molotov, saying that he's over his crush on her. As he approaches her Brock comes running from around the corner, yelling at Hank not to do it. However a door closes after Hank, sealing him and Molotov into the same section of the hallway and Brock on the opposite side.
In his interrogation Brock laments being too slow. He could have saved Hank if he was just a little faster. Instead he found him... like that...
Brock blows up the wall with Tank Top, tossing him aside. Hank is laying on the ground. Brock looks upset and hurriedly calls for a medic. Hank isn't in a good place.
Brock? I- I can't move my legs.
Oh god, Hank, what did she do to you?
She- she stole my destiny.
[Into his earpiece] She's got Hank's strength suit.
[Over voice comm] Damnit! That's like giving dynamite to a Grendel! Get in there, Samson!
Hunter informs Brock that he's right behind him.
Brock confronts Molotov in the hangar. He calls out to her but a plane falls from the ceiling. Brock narrowly dodges it. Molotov leaps towards the exit. Brock gets into the jet and takes off after Molotov. Hunter gets there, slightly too late. Brock collides with the closing hangar doors, flying through the windsheild and plummeting down to the ground...
You fell off?! How the hell are you still breathing oxygen?!
Friends in high places.
Brock falls and falls and then he's not falling. The X-1 has somehow caught him. HELPeR is driving!
MR. FROST [V.O.]
Oh come on, that's impossible! What are you, a friggin' super hero!?
It's all part of the job, man. Plus I was pissed. I knew the only way to end this was to take her out once and for all.
Molotov is busy bounding across the deck while Brock fires a grappling hook at her from the X-1, grabbing her foot mid-leap. They both tumble to the ground and roll off the side of the deck. The rope catches on the beam that connects the engine to the ship.
Samson. I was wondering when you'd show up to the party. I was getting sick of talking to your friends.
I thought you came with a date.
Meh. He's not as much fun as you.
Then let's dance.
They draw their blades and swing towards each other.
Ohh, what did Joe Eszterhas write that for ya? What happened next?
We made out like Spider-Man and Mary Jane, what do you think happened? You saw the video. I. Did. My. Duty.
We see Hunter run back onto the bridge, telling everyone to watch the video of them. On the screen we see Brock punch Molotov a few times before he picks up her body and throws her into the engine. Everything is crushed.
Back in his interrogation Brock looks down at the table and takes a drag of his cigarette. Mr. Frost puts away his tablet and takes the OSI folder with him as he leaves the room.
On the bridge Mr. Sample packs up the files and gives a fedora to Yourname, telling him that he earned it. They announce that they're headed back to headquarters and what they learned doesn't paint a pretty picture. The leave.
Hunter turns around and changes Monstroro's status from 'apprehended' to 'missing'. They look at Molotov's status. Hunter looks up at Brock.
Out by the engine Hunter shouts at Brock, about to throw Mootov into the engine, to stand down. Molotov is with the OSI.
This wasn't an escape, it was a test. Of our security and her skills. We failed, she passed.
She killed all those agents!
You mean all those double-agents. Traitors, every last one of them! I gave red here a list of chores and she took out the garbage.
What? Are you nuts?!
Sometimes, but not today. We need a deep cover infiltrator on the team. Someone to work in the shadows, out from under the prying eyes of the bureaucrats and Misters. Someone the enemy would never suspect.
What- you, you can't trust her! She is the enemy!
She's a mercenary, Samson! The people who hired her all these years were the enemy. As long as we pay better she's on our side. Welcome to the team, Agent Cocktease! We'll have to talk about that name later.
Molotov holds out her hand to shake Brock's.
Hunter runs into the bridge, announcing that he found them. We see the same scene from before, but from the front of Brock. We see that the strength suit is empty. Brock still looks really upset. He throws the suit into the engine, destroying it.
Back in the present, Hunter marks Molotov's status as deceased. Brock sighs and asks where Monstroso went. The door opens. It's Mr. Frost and Mr. Sample.
What, did you forget something?
Evening, General Gathers, my name is Mr. Frost, this is my associate Mr. Sample. Headquarters sent us to investigate this, uh, Molostro incident.
Part of me wonders if Hunter's reaction coupled with Brock and Shoreleave's non-reaction means that Hunter knows something about the Investors that he's holding back. All three of them know of the Investors, and Brock and Shoreleave have even briefly tangled with them, but Hunter seems to understand what has happened much, much quicker than the other two.
Hunter says nothing and runs out of the room. We see the three Misters walking down the hallway of the hover-quarters. Their black suits switch to black suits with red pinstripes. The investors. They nod at each other and sink through the floor.
Hunter arrives at the end of the hallway but there are only three hats on the ground.
Roll end credits.
Still at the hover-quarters, Hank is using a treadmill. He doesn't look like he's having fun.
You should be just fine, son, once your atrophied limbs get strong enough to stand without the suit.
You'll never get over the loss of your breasts. You'll miss them forever.