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Eeny, Meeny, Miney... Magic!

  • Original Air Date:
    September 4, 2004
  • Written by:
    Doc Hammer
  • Production Number:
    104
  • ...special guest star, SOUL-BOT as H.E.L.P.eR.
  • Rate This Episode:

    • Worst. Episode. Ever.
    • It Was Pretty Crappy
    • An Okay Episode
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    • Amazing Episode!!
Jump To: Summary | Capsule | Notes
All-time score of 3.8 with 326 votes

Summary

Dr. Venture's new experiment has the entire family interested -- not to mention trapped inside! The Ventures' strange new neighbour, master of mysticism Dr. Orpheus, may be the only one who can help them escape. Meanwhile, Dean falls for Dr. Orpheus' teenaged daughter, and Brock falls for his old flame: Molotov Cocktease.

Capsule

Nighttime and a lightning storm (for effect) at the Venture Compound. Dr. Venture snores and continues to have one of his weird fetus/womb dreams (one chokes the other). Down in the lab there's a weird big... can thing. Brock dreams of a younger himself playing football. His coach stands over another player who is laying down and motions to Brock that he is dead (with one of those neck slash movements). Back to the can thing. In the living room the boys are playing with a Ouija board. Or just playing Ouija. I'm not sure the proper way to write down the act of using Ouija.

Dean asks if he will find true love and the thingy jumps (without their hands on it) to 'Yes'. Hank and Dean stand up and gasp in shock.

Down in the lab the can thingy opens with green smoke and lights (for effect) and a sinister Dracula-looking guy walks out of it. HELPeR, also in the lab, wakes up and goes over to the guy to check it out but gets zapped by the guy and shorts out. He then walks past the boys (still standing over the board) who just sort of watch him. He stops and with a motion of his hand the boys both fall to the floor.

Roll opening credits.

In Dr. Venture's room Dean walks in to talk to his dad:

DEAN
Hank and I just woke up on the floor. We were playing Ouija and a guy hypnotized us.

DR. VENTURE
[groggy] Dean?

DEAN
With his magical Dracula powers.

DR. VENTURE
Dean, I'm going to turn around now and you better be on fire. You're standing there in flames, and the only person who can put you out is me. Because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!!

Hank, meanwhile, creeps into Brock's room. When Hank goes to shake Brock, Brock grabs Hank by the neck and holds him off his feet until he realizes what happened and drops him. Hank is okay. Nothing a little cry won't help. He also informs Brock that HELPeR is broken.

Dr. Venture and Dean are headed over to one of Dr. Venture's labs which he has rented out to someone. The very someone who Dean and Hank saw last night in fact. They open the door and are greeted by Dr. Orpheus, necromancer. Dean tries to talk to Orpheus but can't get much out, so Dr. Venture tells him that Dean thought he saw him break HELPeR. Orpheus says that this is indeed true, but that he was saving HELPeR... here I'll let him say it:

DR. VENTURE
My son has it in his head that you were in our house last night and you... killed our robot.

DR. ORPHEUS
The seed of your loins is quite astute. I saved your mechanical man from certain damnation. For his frail, electronic eyes had gazed upon the impenetrable! He was an unwilling beholder to the impossible!

[rather long pause while DEAN and DR. VENTURE stare at DR. ORPHEUS]

DR. VENTURE
See, I told you there was a rational explanation.

In Brock's room Brock is doing pushups while Hank watches and looks at Brock's music. Hank wants to play In Through The Out Door, but Brock has memories attached to that album:

BROCK
Look, Hank. I have memories attached to that record. Can we drop this please?

HANK
Is it because you killed a whole bunch of ninjas while it was playing? So now it reminds you of ninjas?

BROCK
No.

HANK
Frogmen? Does it remind you of frogmen?

BROCK
No!

HANK
A team of half-mutated half-dog half-

BROCK
It's a woman!! The only woman I ever loved. [does some quick pushups] Ya happy now?

HANK
No. Because you snapped at me.

BROCK
You're alright, Hank. You know that? You're alright.

Back in Dr. O's place he, Dr. V and Dean are all gathered in his den, or lab. Whatever. Anyway they're gathered there, and that's what's important. Dr. Venture comments that Orpheus has really done a lot with the place, and they find out Dr. O's name (Orpheus... but you already knew that because I blabbed it early) and Dr. Venture asks if he can call Dr. O's place a lab when he files his taxes. Dr. O then goes off on a pretty dramatic and crazy rant at the end of which Dean tells his dad that he told him that he was in their house.

Back in Brock's room, Brock is now doing pull-ups while Hank attempts that thing where you put a quarter on your forearm near your elbow and try to catch it. There was an episode of Happy Days about it once:

HANK
So what super-cool adventure are we goin on today? Should I get my SCUBA gear?

BROCK
We're not goin' anywhere. Your father's workin' on this thing.

HANK
SCUBA. SCUBA. SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA. Say SCUBA.

BROCK
SCUBA.

HANK
SCUBA. It sounds funny. SCUBA.

BROCK
SCUBA. Yeah it does.

Back at Dr. O's Dean is playing with some sort of shrunken head thing when Dr. O's daughter Triana walks in. Dean seems awe-struck and Dr. O tells her to take Dean into the kitchen so they can enjoy 'some of those pre-packaged cereals you enjoy so'. They exit and Dr. Venture comments on being a single parent when Dr. O's cat rubs against his leg. This leads to an odd conversation about cats in heat and moist q-tips and Dr. O's ex-wife (who is not the cat).

In the kitchen Dean and Triana eat some cereal and have a chat:

DEAN
Is your name pumpkin?

TRIANA
No, it's Triana. Doesn't your dad have a nickname for you?

DEAN
Well I've heard him call me Dave or Don a few times, but I don't think they're nicknames. Hey are you a pirate?

TRIANA
What are you talking about?

DEAN
Because one time, my family was held captive by pirates. Who were ghosts. And you have a jolly roger on your blouse. So I thought...

TRIANA
Oh this? [points at skull and crossbones on her shirt] No, I was goin' for an Adam and the Ants kinda retro thing. Did you just say 'blouse'?

DEAN
I don't know.

[awkward pause]

TRIANA
Who's that big guy who's always washing his car in front of your place?

DEAN
Oh, that's Brock. He's my dad's bodyguard. One time, I saw him kill a guy with a sock full of party snaps!

TRIANA
Did the guy's head get blown off?

DEAN
Yes it did.

Dean's eyes begin to tear up and we hear some harp music.

Back in Dr. O's den thingy he and Dr. Venture are by a candle attached to a bookcase which does not open a secret compartment but rather gets wax on the carpet.

Back in the kitchen!

TRIANA
I gotta bolt or I'll be late for school.

DEAN
Yeah, I saw your lunch pail.

TRIANA
It's not a lunch pail.

DEAN
Alright then. Lunch box.

TRIANA
That's not what I mean. It's kinda a purse. Nevermind. So how come I never see you at school?

DEAN
I'm kinda home tutored in a box my pop made. It sometimes gets very hot in the box. My pop made.

TRIANA
Wow. That's um, that's screwy. Crap, did I upset you?

DEAN
Penguins have an organ above their eyes that convert seawater to freshwater.

Meanwhile in the Venture lab Brock is attempting to fix HELPeR with no help from Hank. HELPeR is in more pieces than when Dr. O last left him, so who knows what happened. Brock tells Hank to get him a phillips head screwdriver. This is when Hank notices the can we saw in the beginning. It's a big cylinder with sliding doors and tubes sticking out of it. The door opens and Hank walks up to it.

Inside is a green meadow and Dr. Venture with a football. He asks Hank to 'toss around the old pigskin' with him and then the voice of Hank's mother calls out for them to come in to eat dinner. Just then Brock peeks over the counter to see Hank about to walk into the Joy Can (that's the almost official name for it). He runs over to it and throws Hank out of the way and is about to throw a large piece of equipment into it when he, too, becomes struck by the soothing contents of the can and walks into it himself. The doors slide shut behind him.

Commercial.

Inside the can the dead football player from Brock's dream (who turns out to be deaf) appears to him and tells him that it's okay that Brock killed him. Brock says it was an accident. Just then a bunch of ninjas fall from the sky and attack Brock.

Back in Dr. O's den thing he and Dr. Venture are still talking. Dr. Venture suggests they head over to his lab to check out what's happened with the Joy Can. Dr. Orpheus agrees, but first leaves a voice message for Triana on a weird skull thing:

DR. ORPHEUS
Greetings, pumpkin, I am at Mr. Venture's lab to right that which is wrong and to repair the torn curtain of time itself!! There are four puddings in the fridge. You may enjoy the contents of one of them. Dinner at six.

They then head out to Dr. Venture's lab.

Dean, meanwhile, in his room is, uh, pretending his hand is Triana (ew, not like that you perv). He talks to it and then begins to make out with it.

Brock, in the meantime, is fighting cowboys with flamethrowers riding dinosaurs and SCUBA divers with machine guns in the sidecars of motorcycles driven by polar bears and more ninjas. And he's dressed like an Indian... Native American.

In the lab Dr. Venture explains how the Joy Can works to Dr. O. Dr. O, while impressed with Dr. Venture's invention, fears something else. In the middle of another dramatic monologue he trips over Hank's arm. Hank tries to explain what's going on, but Dr. Venture won't let him and makes him leave the lab.

Inside the can Brock stands on a pile of dinosaurs and ninjas and SCUBA divers and cowboys and polar bears while more ninjas drop from the sky. Just then everything clears up and the meadow (though slightly more foggy) is back. Molotov Cocktease flies in on a bed. When the bed comes to a stop in front of Brock (now in a tux with his hair slicked back) Molotov jumps off and lands on Brock's head... crotch to face. She's hits his head like a drum in a pretty comical manor as Brock walks over to the bed.

Meanwhile, Hank meets up with Dean in their room. Dean informs Hank about Dr. O and Triana and Hank tells Dean what's going on:

HANK
Dean that's great and I can't wait to hear all about it, only Brock's stuck inside Dad's thing that makes people happy. But it's all evil.

DEAN
I dare you to make less sense.

HANK
I was on the floor and I heard everything! And I have a plan!

DEAN
What the heck are you talking about?!

Dean stands up again, but falls down like he did before (though I didn't write that part out, but now you know) because of the head rush he gets from standing up too fast.

Meanwhile in the Joy Can, Molotov tells Brock that she's ready to go all the way. Brock is pretty excited (if you saw the Brisbyland episode you know why), and Molotov makes him promise to not be gentle.

In Dr. Venture's kitchen Dr. O and Dr. V discuss the Joy Can. Dr. Venture notes that the doors can only be opened from the inside because it was made for the lonely kind of hanky-panky, if you catch my drift. Dr. Orpheus eats a cupcake.

Outside the joy can Hank and Dean have donned their tinfoil hats and seem poised to go into the can to rescue Brock. Hank points out that if they do rescue Brock their dad won't think they're babies any more, and maybe even reward them with Coke machines and bumper pool and separate rooms. Or not. It's worth a shot.

They enter the can and see Brock fighting nobody and doing it with nobody. Different background scenes flash into and out of view as well. Scamp appears and Hank calls for him, only to have Scamp jump right through him. Dean decides he's had enough but the door seems to have vanished.

Outside the can Dr. Venture is confounded as to how the boys got into the can. Dr. Orpheus casts a spell or something and commands the Joy Can to open. Instead everything in the house opens or turns on (including HELPeR) with the Joy Can still firmly closed. Dr. Venture, still in his robe, goes to put some pants on while Dr. O gives it another shot.

Inside the can Hank and Dean discover that Brock can't see or hear them, so they have no way to helping him. Dean then gets an idea. He takes off his shirt and tells Hank that they need to get it soaking wet. And not with spit. You figure it out.

Outside the can Dr. O continues to examine the thing, only to figure out that it uses some unorthodox materials. Dr. Venture reveals that one of them is a small orphan boy (a forsaken child as Orpheus puts it).

Triana arrives home from school and checks the skull for messages. That's all I have to say about that!

Outside the can Dr. Orpheus tries the old Marco-Polo thing.

Inside the can the boys and Brock, now back, converse:

BROCK
Nice rescue boys. You saved me from the only woman I've ever loved with a hat that smells like a mens room and we're still here.

DEAN
We totally blew it.

BROCK
No, that's not what I mean. I'm impressed with your spirit, I just wish you'd thought it out a little better.

HANK
Okay, Brock, I admit there may be some small holes in our plan.

DR. ORPHEUS
[from outside] MARCO!

DEAN
Polo?

DR. ORPHEUS
[muffled shouts of polo are heard] Marco!

DEAN
Polo!

DR. ORPHEUS
Marco!

[more muffled polo]

DR. ORPHEUS
Marco!

DEAN
Polo!

HANK
Polo!

DR. ORPHEUS
Marco!

HANK
Polo!

DEAN
Polo!

DR. VENTURE
Alright we know they're in there! Will you try something else, please!

Triana, meanwhile, has been waiting a half hour for her father at the dinner table.

Back in the can Brock tries kicking in the door to no avail. Dean says that he's starting to get hungry and a pie appears in front of him, which Hank is quick to say is a poisonous, magic pie.

Outside the can Dr. V tries to get the boys out by yelling at them, but that doesn't work either, even though Dr. Orpheus says that the true love thing usually works. Just then Triana walks in and says Dean's name when Dr. Orpheus reminds her of him ("Who? Oh yeah, Dean."). Dean hears this and suddenly knows how to get out (accompanied by an image of a human heart getting hit by an arrow and spraying blood over his head).

They emerge from the joy can:

HANK & DEAN
Go team Venture!

DR. ORPHEUS
Yes, go team Venture!

DR. VENTURE
Oh for god's sake, don't encourage them!

Orpheus then sends the machine 'back to hell' by throwing some kind of black hole fireball into it which causes it to disappear, leaving only some green smoke where it once stood. Dr. Venture tells Dr. O that he's going to have to raise his rent now.

DEAN
So, I guess I'll be seeing you around the compound?

TRIANA
Around the compound? What are you, David Koresh?

DEAN
No. I'm Dean. Dean Venture.

TRIANA
Nevermind. Yeah, I'll be seeing you. [she walks away]

DEAN
Okay. Bye!

HANK
Smooth move. She was all over you!

DEAN
Ya think?

HANK
No.

Roll end credits.

DR. VENTURE
[outside the closed bathroom door] Dean, what the hell are you doing in there, I need to take a shower!

DEAN
I'm practicing being a boyfriend, pop!

DR. VENTURE
Nevermind Dean.

Notes

  • This is of course the intro episode for both Dr. Orpheus and his daughter, Triana. Dr. O is a necromancer. Necromancers are guys who can control the dead and also have a ton of other powers. They're normally evil in TV and movies, so Orpheus is a nice change. Plus he's got lots of cool powers which I'm sure will be of service to Dr. Venture later on if need be.

  • Robert Burcham points out my horrible shortcomings:

    You make no mention of Doctor O being a characterization of Marvel Comics' Doctor Strange, sorceror supreme. Please.

    That's also true, and honestly I'm disappointed in myself for not even thinking that Dr. O was inspired by Dr. Strange. Here's a nifty Dr. Strange fansite to make up for that. And here's the Marvel Directory page on him, in case that wasn't enough. Now be gone with you!

  • We never see HELPeR past the middle of the episode, but it's somewhat odd that Brock was trying to fix him. Brock seems like a muscle-head who isn't there to do much more than kick ass and have sex with chicks every once in a while, but he has quite a few talents. Along with fixing HELPeR he can also pilot the X-1, so I guess they don't just teach you to kill at secret agent school.

  • Triana mentions a few things that you may or may not be familiar with. First off she talks about Adam and the Ants. Adam Ant is currently a singer-type guy, but this will probably help understand the whole thing if you need some help.

  • She also mentions David Koresh who was the leader of a crazy cult of people (Branch Davidians) who all got killed at Waco back in '93 if you remember. Anyways the place they all hung out at was a compound at Mt. Carmel, so that explains that. Nothing like having a joke explained, eh?

  • While we're on the subject of Triana and Dean's conversation, I might also mention that the ghost pirates Dean refers to have nothing to do with the pirates in Ghosts of the Sargasso since those were not even ghost pirates, but just regular guys pretending to be ghost pirates. More about this can be found in the notes for that episode.

  • While the boys are in the joy can, Dr. Orpheus tells Dr. Venture to 'be cross with them' (not quoted in the capsule). As astute reader Youda Manola points out, this is actually a reference to the movie Poltergeist. In the movie a little girl is trapped in another (creepy) dimension and her father is told to 'be cross with her' in order to use her emotions to get out of the clutches of the ghosts who have trapped her.

  • Brock's fav band, Zep, is also mentioned here. In Through the Out Door in specific. I got an awesome e-mail from Bryan Hornschu, who is a bigger Zep fan than I, so I'll let him fill you in some more:

    Brock makes a comment about that album [In Through the Out Door] being the one where "Zep started to sell out," referring to Led Zeppelin. Which is weird, because ITTOD was Zeppelin's last album together. It was released in 1978, comprised of all new material. John Bonham, the group's drummer, died of asphyxiation as a result of choking on his own vomit after drinking 40 oz. of vodka on September 17, 1980. The resulting shock, in addition to lead singer Robert Plant's deep friendship with Bonham, led to Plant leaving the band in December 1980, saying the band wasn't the same without John, and that he didn't want to be in the band if John wasn't either.

    Jimmy Page, who played electric guitar, acoustic guitar, and slide/pedal steel guitar throughout the band's albums, and who also mixed and mastered the albums, used material that had been recorded but never applied to past albums and made a final album, titled "Coda," which was released in 1982. Songs on "In Through The Out Door" include: In The Evening, South Bound Saurez, Fool In The Rain, Hot Dog, Carouselambra, All My Love, and I'm Gonna Crawl. As for Brock Samson's mental attachment to Molotov Cocktease and association with her and this record, the only songs he could possibly attach are the last two -- the rest are really void of romantic material or a slow enough beat.

    So there you go, and thanks for that excellent e-mail, Bryan.

Episode Cast

James Urbaniak Dr. Venture
Michael Sinterniklaas Dean Venture
Patrick Warburton Brock Samson
Chris McCulloch Hank Venture
Steve Rattazzi Dr. Orpheus
Lisa Hammer Triana Orpheus
Rachel Simon Fantasy Mom
Doc Hammer Tommy
Tom Vollette Singer
Soul-Bot HELPeR

Screencaps

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