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Everybody Comes to Hank's

  • Original Air Date:
    October 3, 2010
  • Written by:
    Doc Hammer
  • Production Number:
    52
  • Rate This Episode:

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Jump To: Summary | Capsule | Notes
All-time score of 4.7 with 445 votes

Summary

With Dean off to New York for a summer internship, Hank is forced by his father to get a job. But when the budding entrepreneur dons a fabled fedora to become a private dick, a tangled mystery of sex, lies, and dirty secrets lands right in his lap.

Capsule

At the Venture Compound Dr. Venture is explaining to Hank how to microwave steak-ums since Hank will be on his own for a bit. Dean comes down the stairs in an amazing green suit. It's Dr. Venture's suit when he had his first assignment in New York.

HANK
Oh yeah! I'm jealous that I don't get to go to New York dressed as the Jamaican flag to work for no pay.

DEAN
It's an internship, Hank. They pay you with experience and an impressive resume.

SGT. HATRED
Hey, I'm gonna load up the X-1, Doc. [to HANK] Hey soldier, you flying with us?

DR. VENTURE
Oh no, he's staying right here and he's getting a job by the time we get back.

HANK
I told you that's gonna be no problem. But I warn you that unlike Dean, I will not be working for the man, and I plan on getting paid.

Hank also has a list, which he hands to Dr. Venture. Dr. Venture compliments him on various cross outs such as mafia don, fire eater and gigolo. Hank wasn't into that one once he found out it had nothing to do with Italian ice cream. Dermott enters, much to Dr. Venture's happiness. He'll help Hank get a job! Dermott notes that he has a full-time job and also teaches ninjitsu classes on the weekend. Well, technically he wears that weird giant padded baby suit for a rape prevention class, but you know, same difference.

SGT. HATRED
Alright, we gotta get going. I don't wanna have to fly at night in the X-1. I get the lights mixed up with the lasers and then I end up blowing stuff up! I just don't wanna blow stuff up because I can't see.

Dr. Venture and Sgt. Hatred leave. They'll be back in four days. Four days to be employed.

Opening credits logo.

HankCo Super World is open for business in the Venture Compound garage. Sgt. Hatred is ordering something at the food court. A toaster tart with the top shaved off... served on a bed of shaved toaster tart... and a possibly cherry drink. It's red anyway. Dr. Venture, who is purchasing some remote controls, says this wasn't quite what he had in mind for employment. He's not very happy about how often he has to buy back his remotes. Also his shoes. Hank leaves for more customers who need a few things notarized.

DR. ORPHEUS
Changing the terms of my child support.

THE ALCHEMIST
Remember when your wife used to screw you without paperwork?

DR. ORPHEUS
Oh, that's very appropriate for the boy to hear!

HANK
[shuffling papers] You hear a lot in my line of work. Okay, just sign here, initial here, annnnd...

Dermott, meanwhile, is trying to get a ride home with his sister. His mom was supposed to do it a few hours ago but never showed. He walks over to Hank and tells him about the situation. Hank contemplates and then tells Dermott to meet him at the table over there. Dermott walks over and sits down and Hank takes off his green visor and runs over to the desk which has a sign 'HankCo. Detective Agency' above it.

He pours Dermott a glass of apple juice (smooth, only the best) and tells him to give him the whole story. The screen fades to black and white.

HANK [VO]
It started out as another case of 'where's mommy' but then it turned tail faster than a kicked pooch. Either I'm being played for a patsy or that palooka is actually Brock's kid.

Time passes and it's night now. Hank is still at his detective desk when Al walks in. Al says that when he agreed to move in with Orpheus he didn't know that nothing in the vicinity was open past 8:30. He notes the sign and (after making a 'private dick' joke) asks to hear the case. Hank tells him about how Dermott is unable to find his mom, which was solved since his mom picked him up four hours ago. No, the new case is that Dermott thinks his dad is Brock. Hank doesn't know what to do, but Al says he needs to solve the case.

THE ALCHEMIST
You have to solve this case! That's what the sign is for! That's- that's why you have the hat! That's why you have the whip! Wait, why do you have a whip?

HANK
Came with the hat. Its a detective's whip.

There's a knock at the door.

NIKKI
Hey has anyone seen Dermott?

HANK
he left with your mom like four hours ago.

NIKKI
[sighs] I drove all the way from the highlands. You think he coulda called me to tell me he got a ride.

HANK
You know Dermott. He's not one for politeness but he's a good kid. If you don't get an apology I'll make him buy you flowers, deal?

NIKKI
Deal. What are you guys doing?

HANK
Me and Al have a job. I'd bend your ear on it but a pretty dame like you shouldn't get involved with this kind of thing. It's too dangerous.

NIKKI
Dangerous. Uh huh. No seriously, what are you guys doing?

HANK
Scram, doll! I don't wanna think about a body like yours getting busted up over this! [takes a drink]

NIKKI
[laughs] Okay. Thanks. Uh, hey Hank, I just wanna thank you for keeping Dermott out of trouble and stuff.

HANK
Like I said, he's a good kid. Now drift, doll, we gotta get some work done.

NIKKI
Okay. Bye Hank. And, um-

THE ALCHEMIST
Al. I'm his, uh, gal Friday, I guess.

NIKKI
Right, right. [starts to walk away] Oh, Hank, I don't think Dermott's gonna apologize to anyone, so uh, why don't you stop by with those flowers? [she exits]

THE ALCHEMIST
Hank! You- you were amazing! When did you get so smooth?

HANK
It's the hat! I have had a crush on Dermott's sister forever! I've never said anything to her before!

THE ALCHEMIST
She was on you like Sid on Nancy! Alright, Hank. I'm in! I'll be your partner 'til we solve this case or 'til I get completely bored doing it!

Montage!

HANK [VO]
Me and Al hit the dives and flop houses trying to dig up some info on this dame. We had the kind of lock that turns a professional gambler into an amateur murderer. Your basic boob ain't too keen on dicks. When a bum sees a dick coming he don't stick around for the credits. Seems this old broad wasn't so popular with the men-folk. Every jobby in this 'burg knew the old frail but nobody copped to pitching woo.

At SPHINX HQ Hank is now questioning Brock about Dermott's mom. Brock says he never met her. Never that drunk, never that desperate.

At Big Bargains (the place Dermott works), Dermott is taking out the trash. He throws the bag into the dumpster and then sneakily looks around before pulling some video games out of it and putting them into his apron or shirt or something. Oh, but Al is here. He approaches Dermott who bolts. Chase scene!

Dermott tries to say that he didn't steal the games but Al doesn't care; he's not mall security. No, he's with Hank.

HANK
He's The Alchemist. Seeker of truth.

DERMOTT
Super hero guy and you're hanging out with Hank?

THE ALCHEMIST
[grabs DERMOTT] Look, Pudgy McTalkalot! I just got dumped by my lover who then tossed me out on my jobless ass so I had to move in with my boring team member who lives in the 'burbs and never does squat!! And I just- I just told you too much, didn't I?

DERMOTT
Uh, dude, no shit.

HANK
Easy, Al. Let the palooka down. We have a couple more questions about your case.

DERMOTT
Case? I needed a ride home, doofus! What is this, the case of 'my mom forgot her cell phone'?

HANK
No, weisenheimer! It's the case of 'you tell us the truth or Al will make your dentist a rich man!'

THE ALCHEMIST
[confused] What do you- oh, right, sorry! [grabs DERMOTT]

HANK
You tell me your old man is Brock Samson, you think I'm gonna let that slide? Huh? I did some checking. Your facts ain't adding up. Samson's a ringer!

DERMOTT
Well that's what my freakin' mom told me, douche, now let me go I gotta get back to work.

[HANK nods at AL]

THE ALCHEMIST
Come on, Hank, he's a kid! Don't make me hit a kid!

DERMOTT
Oh yeah, like I can feel it, you're like Danny DeVito's penguin!

Al socks Dermott in the gut, who doubles over. He hands Hank a key with a Venture logo on the keychain, saying that his mom gave it to him claiming it was his dad's. Al says that he's telling the truth. Hank tells Al to go get the boiler, which it turns out is the car. Al leaves and Hank pulls off his hat and tells Dermott that he's sorry for making a grown up punch him. Dermott notes that he did steal the video games so he had it coming anyway.

Commercial.

Back at HankCo. Al and Hank are greeted by Sgt. Hatred, who is wearing a greasy apron and a skull cap. It's been his secret dream to run a hash house. As such he's made some changes to the menu. Basically they only serve eggs now. Scrambled. With ketchup. Hank and Al order a coffee each. As Hatred walks away Billy pssts to them from another table. He's wearing a trench coat, fedora, sunglasses and is reading a newspaper. He seems to be into the whole thing and gives them some valuable information:

BILLY
So you've met Nikki? Nikki Fictel?

HANK
And how!

BILLY
Yeah, she's a looker, that one. Gams straight up to heaven.

THE ALCHEMIST
Great, now you're doing the voice too, huh?

BILLY
Don't ruin this for me, Al! I've been eating eggs and ketchup all day waiting to do this!

THE ALCHEMIST
Alright, sorry, I mean, who am I to talk, right?

HANK
So what's your angle on the Fictel doll?

BILLY
[looks around and 'drops' his paper] Nikki moves antiques. I've done some hefty exchanges with her. She's a pretty big deal in that racket. She has some, let's say, desirable merchandise.

HANK
She running a grift?

BILLY
It's on the up and up! But in my circle when you can't find something and you got a fist full of hot cabbage you dial Nikki Fictel. You get my mean?

THE ALCHEMIST
No. I can barely understand Hank and you do it with a speech impediment.

BILLY
Listen to me! I'm risking my life just talkin' to you. I'm just sayin', that doll knows something.

Billy leaves his newspaper in front of Hank and walks away. Hank opens the paper and sees Billy has left Nikki's business card inside. It says she sells rare and hard to find toys, figurines and collectibles. Sgt. Hatred calls after Billy, asking if he wants his leftovers boxed. Billy yells back that he was wearing a hat. Yeah, don't know how he ever recognized you, Billy.

Later on Hank is back at his office... garage... whatever, going over the details of the case in his head via a monologue. He decides that, given all the information he has, he ought to pay Nikki a visit.

In Dr. O's kitchen he and Al are talking. Al confesses that one of his gifts is that he can always tell when people are telling the truth. He says that it seems like everyone involved is telling the truth but none of it adds up. Orpheus says that they do have powers and they shouldn't be ashamed to use them for good. After Dr. O tells Al what he'd do were he Samantha from Bewitched (abuse of power, naturally), Al says that he'll need his help now that he's on board.

Hank rides his hover scooter over to Nikki's, grabs some flowers and knocks on her door. She answers. Inside Hank sees some old Rusty Venture merchandise. Nikki confesses that she was a huge fan of Hank's dad when she was a kid. She tries to take off his hat but he denies her.

NIKKI
Is that your good luck hat?

HANK
I don't know yet. I'll tell you in the morning.

NIKKI
[laughs] You're probably sick of all this kind of stuff [holding a Rusty bobblehead]

HANK
I'll tell ya, doll, ol' Thaddeus Venture didn't have the saavy to save any of them doohickeys.

NIKKI
Well that's ironic.

HANK
That's Rusty.

NIKKI
You remind me so much of him.

HANK
Ya daffy? Dean's just like my old man. I'm the black sheep of the Venture flock! [NIKKI laughs] I'm trouble!

NIKKI
No, I mean you're like Rusty from the cartoon. Your dad's a scared little has-been, but you are just like the real Rusty Venture. So cool. So fearless and powerful. But trapped in the body of a young man.

HANK
Sounds like you're trying to seduce me. And this old Shamus can smell it when a chippy's pulling a flim-flam. What are you hiding!?

NIKKI
Nothing! [she puts her hand on HANK's leg] Well, I guess I'm hiding a huge crush on you.

HANK
[starts to sweat and breathe heavily] I don't get involved with my clients.

NIKKI
I thought you just came here to bring me flowers.

They kiss.

In Dr. O's kitchen he and Al are conjuring on Dermott's key or some other technical magic term that means they are getting the key to tell them its story. I guess. Nobody really knows how or why magic works, that's why it's called 'magic'.

We are seeing the past. Nikki is pregnant (and crying) and her mom is yelling at her for becoming so. Nikki desperately wants to keep the baby though. She is wearing a Rusty Venture tshirt and various Rusty Venture toys and items are in their living room.

MRS. FICTEL
You're still in school! You're still a child yourself! [she turns around] What is your problem!? She's fifteen!!

[The camera angle changes and we see a younger DR. VENTURE, still with most of his hair though he is very visibly balding]

RUSTY
What do you want me to card her? She said she was twenty! Look, she came onto me! Things got out of hand; I'm not proud of this!

MRS. FICTEL
Oh you're not proud? You fucked the president of your fan club! That must have been a real challenge! A fifteen year old girl who worshipped you! You should be proud you fucking asshole!

RUSTY
Look, I'll pay you whatever you want!

MRS. FICTEL
Oh you'll pay. Oh hell yes you'll pay! You live in that huge mansion with your fancy jet planes, oh you'll pay! And you will never see this girl or her baby ever again!

RUSTY
Well I think that's a decision Nikki and I need to make. [he pulls out a key] Nikki take this, and we'll work this out together.

MRS. FICTEL
Wrong! She is fifteen, that's statutory rape. You want me to call the cops and have this settled publicly or do you wanna crawl back to your mansion, write us a check and forget about all this.

RUSTY
[pauses] Nikkles, I'm so sorry. [he leaves]

NIKKI
[sobbing] Nooo! Don't go!

MRS. FICTEL
Sweetie. Sweetie, he is not worth it. We'll have the baby if you want, I will raise it as mine. We're gonna make it work. I promise you. Alright, we're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. [she hugs NIKKI]

Back in Dr. O's kitchen he and Al both contemplate why exactly they needed to know that. Super great idea.

A little later we see Al walking back to Hank's desk. Hank is sitting at it, his clothes looking very disheveled. Al informs Hank that he's off the case, and Hank says that he is as well.

HANK
Yeah, I slipped over to that dame's joint to question her. Things got hot.

THE ALCHEMIST
What did she say?

HANK
Say? Nothing. But she did things to me that I didn't think were possible. That looker ran me through the yard and lammed off of my ticker!

THE ALCHEMIST
Hank, take off your detective hat and tell me what happened.

HANK
[takes off his hat] I had sex!! I had sex with a woman! And, and, nothing will ever be the same because of sex!

THE ALCHEMIST
You don't know the half of it.

HANK
And I have you to thank! And Dermott's super hot sister and and this old key and-

Hank grabs the key and is enveloped in pink light. He shakes and drools and we see flashes from the flashback on his face. Al exclaims that they never discharged the spell! Hank finally snaps out of it and drops the key.

HANK
Okay... that's... I didn't need to know that.

THE ALCHEMIST
I am so sorry you just saw that!

HANK
I'm gonna vomit. [gags] Al, Al I'm gonna vomit!

THE ALCHEMIST
[handing HANK his hat] Here, use your hat. I'm pretty sure it started all this.

Hank barfs.

Back at SPHINX HQ Hank is sitting in the memory eraser as Brock, Shoreleave and Al look on. Hank is kind of bummed because they can't selectively remove his memories, only how far back he will forget. Well maybe he can live with all that stuff... but it's okay, he's done this before. Brock says that sometimes there are things we were just never meant to know. Al wants them to get onto it because it's his turn next since he's still SPHINX. Shoreleave casually notes that it's the second time Al's seen the machine. Oh my. Shoreleave felt Al got a little possessive after they did it, I mean he dumped his boyfriend and tried to move in with Shoreleave. Yeah.

BROCK
Hank, you ready?

HANK
Wait, just- just one more thing.

BROCK
Whaaat?

HANK
I got laaaaid!!

BROCK
[closes the machine and starts it] You sure did, Hank. You sure did.

Roll end credits.

PAST HANK
Guess what? I had sex! Taa-daa! What was it like? Okay, it's kinda like naked sky diving into a mountain of warm whipped cream.

PRESENT HANK
[watching the video on his watch, looks surprised]

PAST HANK
Yes that good! I know! You don't believe me. But you have to! Because I'm yesterday you! That's how I knew you'd watch this message immediately if it was labeled 'Dean face plant'.

PRESENT HANK
That was a good move.

PAST HANK
Thank you. But dude, I gotta make this quick. I'm about to get my memory wiped.

PRESENT HANK
Aww, gyp!

PAST HANK
I knew you'd say that, but trust me, I mean, you are me so you trust me, but believe me, you learned a whole bunch of other things that you don't really want. But the part where we lost our virginity I needed to remember.

PRESENT HANK
That is so cool!

PAST HANK
You have no idea! I mean you did have an idea, but now you don't. What? Yeah, I'm ready! Oh yeah, and this is very important. Get your ass to Mars!

PRESENT HANK
[gasps]

PAST HANK
[laughs] Nah, I'm just joshin' with me! Coming!

The watch fades out just as Dean walks in. He's still wearing his suit but he's covered in ash or soot or something. he informs Hank that he may have watched his career in super-science go up in smoke but his dreams may have been pulled from the ashes. Hmmm.

DEAN
How was yours?

HANK
Well from what I hear, it was amazing.

DEAN
Have you seen pop? He left New York without even saying goodbye.

There is a bright blue flash of light to the side of them. A strange portal is in their room. A man steps out. It's... Dr. Venture?

Notes

  • This episode's title is likely a reference to the unpublished play Everybody Comes to Rick's, which became the basis for the 1942 film Casablanca. Written by Murray Burnett and Joan Alison who were unable to find a Broadway producer for the script, the play was sold to Warner Bros. for $20,000. The play underwent remarkably few changes from play to film with only a title change and a few minor setting adjustments and one character change. The screenwriters ended up winning an Academy Award for writing and Burnett and Alison went largely unknown and their contributions were downplayed by Warner Bros.

  • Services and facilities offered by HankCo Super World include: men's shoes, banking, food court, electronics, puppet repair, private detective, travel agent, notary public, massage, school supplies.

  • Hank's fedora and whip set is an Indiana Jones reference. The titular character in that series wears a similar hat and carries a whip as his signature weapon/utility throughout the films. Saying that they came together implies that Hank bought some kind of Indiana Jones costume, not a detective costume.

  • The black and white portions of the episode are done in the style of film noir, which encompassed many crime dramas particularly in the 1940s and 50s which is considered Hollywood's classic film noir period. Film noir means, in French, 'black film', which references the visual style typical of film noir.

  • Al says that Nikki was all over Hank 'like Sid on Nancy' which refers to Sex Pistol's bassist Sid Vicious and his (infamous) girlfriend Nancy Spungen. Vicious and Spungen had a short but very famous and public relationship which involved a lot of substance abuse and ended with Spungen's murder, possibly at the hands of Vicious (who later famously stated: "I stabbed her, but I didn't mean to kill her. I loved her, but she treated me like shit"). Vicious attempted to kill himself ten days after Spungen's death and was admitted to Bellevue Hospital and subsequently was arrested for assault (unrelated to Spungen's death) after which he spent 55 days at Rikers Island jail before being released on bail. The very same day he was released he overdosed on heroin while at a party with some friends in what was later found out to be suicide.

  • Nikki's business card seems to have a typo of her own name, spelling it 'Ficktel' instead of 'Fictel' as is normally spelled in the credits (including those for this very episode). Also interesting is the sign on Nikki's trailer says 'The Fictels', spelled properly.

  • Dr. O and Al briefly discuss the series Bewitched which is a series about a witch who marries a mortal man and attempts to live a normal life. The point of their conversation was that since Samantha, the main character witch, could do almost anything, why didn't she just make life easier? The answer: because that's not as funny in the 60s, I guess.

  • Dermott calls Al "Danny DeVito's penguin" which refers to actor Danny DeVito's role in Batman Returns where he played the Penguin. Thanks to ZJS in the comments for pointing out I should mention this.

  • Now that it's revealed that Dermott has had a key to the Venture Compound the entire time his statement that "security in this place is a joke" when Hank asked him how he got into the compound in "Perchance to Dean" makes more sense.

  • Seen on Nikki's coffee table among a few Rusty Venture Show toys is a fictional issue of ToyFare magazine with cover art for bobbleheads of the original Team Venture. It's difficult to make out in the episode but it was also put out previously in the actual Toy Fare a little while back (thanks to Mike T in the comments for that scan).

  • Obviously the reveal behind Dr. Venture being Dermott's real father has lead to a lot of speculation on a number of things. It should be noted that Dermott is likely 17 or 18, which means Nikki would be 32 or 33 in the present-day events of this episode. It's also worth noting that Hank and Dean are 17 mentally but they were both born 19 or 20 years ago but have lost three (or more) years of their lives due to all the deaths and subsequent rebirths. Basically every time they died in their teenage years their lives were reset to when they were 15 or 16 though the latest (and final) versions of them have aged probably beyond any previous versions.

    In "Mid-Life Chrysalis" Dr. Venture explicitly states that he is 43. What we don't know is exactly how long ago that episode took place in the show's timeline, though it's at least somewhat clear that the show does not move in real time. Regardless we can assume he was between the ages of 25 and 32 when the events in the flashback transpired since he must be between 43 and 49 right now ("Mid-Life Chrysalis" aired in 2004, so we add six years to his age).

    Regardless, the events took place after Hank and Dean (pre-clone) were born and after Jonas Venture Sr. died.

  • The scene where Hank sends a message from his past self is a reference to a similar scene in Total Recall where Arnold Schwarzenegger's character does a similar thing. The film revolves around a man who thinks he is named Douglas Quaid who eventually stumbles across the fact that most of his memories have been implanted and he isn't who he thinks he is. He comes into possession of a video of himself, only the himself in the video calls himself 'Hauser' and tells him exactly what's going on. Quaid of course has no idea what's going on, though the video does provide handy instructions and tools to remove a pesky tracking device implanted in his brain. Hauser also famously tells Quaid to "get your ass to Mars" which is a line also spoken by Hank in his own video.

    The show has referenced Total Recall at least once before, with the lawyer character first seen in "Trial of the Monarch" being a reference to one of the aliens in Total Recall.

  • Much speculation of course has been made of the random and very sudden ending that shows a perhaps more successful Rusty Venture emerge from a portal. Who this is exactly and where he comes from remains to be seen, but it should be noted that he has all of his hair and is wearing clothing similar to that of Jonas Venture Sr. That's really all we know for now!

Episode Cast

James Urbaniak Dr. Venture
Patrick Warburton Brock Samson
Michael Sinterniklaas Dean Venture
Christopher McCulloch Hank Venture
Sgt. Hatred
Doc Hammer Billy Quizboy
Dermott Fictel
Shoreleave
Steve Rattazzi Dr. Orpheus
Dana Snyder The Alchemist
Kate McKinnon Nikki Fictel
Mrs. Fictel

Screencaps

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