Ice Station Impossible
Original Air Date:September 18, 2004
Written by:Jackson Publick
- the indomitable SOUL-BOT as H.E.L.P.eR.
Dr. Venture, Pete White and Master Billy Quizboy are invited to take part in a top secret government think tank run by supergenius Professor Impossible (coincidentally their former college professor), but Doc's life is in jeopardy once he learns the dark secrets of Impossible's sequestered family. Meanwhile, Hank has become a walking time bomb thanks to a stolen Cold War serum, and Brock and Dean must race the clock to save him.
We start off with a weird snake-guy (think GI Joe) fighting Race Bannon (yes, the Race Bannon) for a mysterious serum in an airplane. Bannon fights off one snake-guy and the serum falls to the floor, but then he has to take on another snake guy! This one he kicks into the pilot, which causes the plane to plummet and the serum to roll towards the open door. Race saves the serum, but is attacked by another snake-guy, who he also takes out (thanks to a handy boot spike). He then drops a grenade and leaps out of the plane after a horrific pun.
The jet explodes as he pulls his parachute cord and lights a cigarette (in that order). However, while he's commending himself on a pun well done, the plane circles around and clips him. Is this the end for our heroic hero? Probably, yes.
However, for now we are transported to the Venture Compound where Dean notices the smoke trail left by the same jet (though he calls it sky writing) when a mysterious serum cannister clocks Hank in the head. The jet then flies right over the boys and through the Venture hangar (past Brock who is washing his car). A snake-guy runs from the wreckage, on fire, and Brock knocks him out and puts the fire out.
Outside the compound, in a small town, Bannon lands on the earth, slowly thanks to his parachute, but very still.
Roll opening credits.
Somewhere entirely unrelated (which later turns out to be Impossible Industries, home to Professor Impossible), Dr. Venture, Mr. White and Billy Quizboy are dressed in Impossible suits and filling out W-2 forms. They discuss their past experience with the professor (he flunked White, and Dr. Venture got a sympathy D since his dad died that semester) and continue to fill out their forms.
Just then the professor himself walks in, greeting them and smoking his pipe. He asks if their trip went well, to which Dr. Venture comments about how they were blind-folded. Apparently they were brought there to form a think tank in a joint venture between the government and Impossible Industries.
The professor then tells them all about their I-suits and how they recycle dead skin cells to fuel the in-suit AC (Billy and Pete comment on how comfortable they feel), when Dr. Venture points out his doesn't fit very well. Professor Impossible pokes the suit on the symbol and it adjusts to fit Dr. Venture 'impossibly reat'.
They then start on their tour of the complex when Pete asks how one would take a leak in the I-suit. It seems all you need to do is think of peeing and the suit will clear a hole in the crotchular area for you to, uh, point the nozzle. This is also a great oppertunity to bring up the mandatory drug tests that the professor requires!
Back at the now slightly wrecked Venture Compound HELPeR bandages up Hank's head while Brock and Dean search the wreckage for clues. You know, aside from the burning plane full of snake-men.
Brock! I think I figured out why the plane crashed! There were skeletons driving it!
[the camera zooms out to reveal two skeletons at the pilot and co-pilot seats]
That's uh... nice work, Dean.
Brock notices Race Bannon's wallet on the ground, complete with his Office of Secret Intelligence license (which is how he knows whose wallet it is). Brock informs the boys that they need to find Bannon, so he'll need their help. Hank and Dean, excited they get to go on a 'spy mission' with Brock, run off to change into their spy clothes. Whatever those are.
Back at Bannon's landing spot a group of small children have found him. One pokes him with a stick when a breeze blows by, causing Bannon's body to drag along the ground thanks to his still attached parachute. The kids look at each other with a smile.
Meanwhile in the bathroom at Impossible Industries, the new I-crew are, uh, creating their samples. Billy is slightly upset since he took some cough medicine last week and he fears they find codine in his urine. Pete consoles Billy (from the next stall), telling him he has nothing to worry about. In fact it's Dr. Venture who should be worried, thanks to his pill-popping habits. Dr. Venture says he's got it covered. And by 'it covered' he means he has a bag of his son's urine taped to his ankel for this very occassion.
However, in true Dr. Venture fashion, he accidently drops the bag, causing the contents to spill. He attempts to scoop some up, but as anyone who has tried this can tell you, this isn't an easy thing to do.
Back in town Brock and the boys are off searching for Race Bannon. Hank is decked out in spy gear (a black sweatsuit and sunglasses), and Dean is decked out in novelty cowboy gear.
Nice spy clothes, douche.
What? I didn't have any black, so I figured 'cowboy'. Next bext thing to spies, right?
Meanwhile Race Bannon continues to scrap along the ground, this time with the kids riding on him. However the wind soon dies down and they come to a stop, so one kid finds Race's lighter which turns out to be a small flame thrower. The kids then begin to search his pockets for any similarly neat spy gear they can come up with.
Back at Impossible Industries (which I am going to call II from now on because typing less is more fun for me), the trio hand in their samples to Prof. I. Billy and Pete's bottles are full, but Dr. Venture's is empty. Just then the professor's wife, Sally Impossible, trys to sneak by. Prof. Impossible notices her and chastises her for leaving her room during business hours:
Gentlemen, allow me to introduce my lovely wife, Sally. What ever are you doing out of your room during work hours, honey?
I needed something from the kitchen.
Well, alright. I'll allow it. But, please, next time just ask me to get it for you.
But you were busy-
Okay Richard. I'm sorry Richard.
Oh! And here. [he hands her the urine samples] Could you be a lark and take the gentlemen's samples down to the lab for me?
She exits with the samples, taking a sly look back at Dr. Venture as she goes. Mr. White asks the professor why he makes his wife stay in her room, to which he explains that she has a medical condition and is sensetive to light and shouldn't be out during the day. Billy quickly notes that there aren't any windows at II, but the professor quickly changes to subject back to work and quickly hustles them to their work stations.
Meanwhile the kids have stripped Race Bannon of all his spy stuff, including his boots, and are doing jumps over him with their bikes and playing with the various gadgets they find on him inlcuding a pen that shoots acid and a magnetic watch. One kid lights a cigarette and is about to smoke it when Brock takes it from him along with the lighter. Hank, meanwhile, hustles the rest of the kids away while Brock checks out Bannon.
[rolling over Race so he can see his face] Race Bannon. Those bastards killed him!
Those kids?! Damnit, we let 'em go!
You... know him, Brock?
Worked with him a few times. He was one of the best.
Do you need a hug, Brock?
Well, it's here if you need it.
Yep, ahhh. I know how it is in this line of work. See enough death, and you start to get hard on the inside.
Samson! Is that... you?
Yes, I'm here Race.
Ah- you look nice. [coughs] Listen, ya- you have to recover the- cannister!
We have it, Race, tell me what it is.
[coughs] Goliath... serum. Here. [he hands Brock a film reel] Do me a favor, Brock.
Anything, old friend.
[coughs] T-tell... j-Jonny... I... love... [groans]
With that, Race Bannon dies. Brock and the boys bow their heads in sorrow as a rather gross farting sound is heard.
Ewwwwww. I didn't know they- [shudders]
Yeah, they never show that part on TV.
Back at II, the Doc is working out something on paper (and popping a pill) when Prof. Impossible pops his head (and just his head) into the room, asking Venture what he's up to. Dr. Venture seems intent on keeping his work secret, but Prof. I won't take no for an answer until Billy, out in the hallway, trips over his outstretched neck. The professor goes out into the hallway for a second and then back into Venture's room to remind him that he still needs the sample from him. Company policy.
Dr. Venture crumples his paper up when he's startled by Sally, who has brought him a sample of urine. She tells him that he can fool Richard, but not her. Dr. Venture quietly tries to think of an excuse for his pills when Sally holds up a flask asking "You know what I need?"
Back at the compound Brock and the boys start up the Goliath Serum movie. The serum was created by Professor Impossible during the Vietnam conflict. It can be injected into a small animal (an ant is used in the film) which will cause the animal to become a 'living, breathing time bomb' with a blast proportional to the subject's size. In the film a large truck rolls over an infected ant and explodes.
The film notes that the serum can be contracted through the skin, so one should be wary when handling it. Brock examines the cannister and notices a small crack on one side. The film then notes that if exposure is suspected, one should watch for the early warning signs of the patient looking flush and having an abnormally large appetite. Hank happens to look flush and is eating large handfuls of popcorn.
Back at II Dr. V and Sally are having a fun time. Sally comments on how she hasn't laughed like this in years and hpw Prof. Impossible never lets her drink. Dr. Venture says it's probably because of her medical condition, but Sally says it's because he's always so proper and composed and it drives her nuts. Now, Dr. Venture, on the other hand, is 'alive' and stuff. Sally is overcome in the moment and tells Dr. Venture to kiss her! However, just as she is leaning in her skin disappears revealing her face muscles and uncovered eyes.
We fade into Dr. Venture screaming his head off. Sally tries to reassure him, but he runs away in horror instead. He runs into another room and leans on some equipment to catch his breath, but leans on a button as well. The button opens a case which causes a man lying in the case to catch on fire and begin screaming in agony. From the other side of the room a door slides open and a large rock-looking guy (think 'Thing' from Fantastic 4, if you haven't picked on on the parody of Professor Impossible yet, only without the rock patterns). He yells in shock and then picks up the on-fire guy and puts him back into the case, closing it. When it's closed the fire goes out and the man falls asleep again.
Rock-guy then confronts Dr. Venture asking what he's doing here and saying 'bad man make Cody cry hurt!'. Sally walks in, face still skinless, and reassures the large hulking guy (whose name is Ned) that Dr. Venture didn't mean it.
Meanwhile at the compound Hank is freaking out over becoming a human bomb while Brock and Dean try to rassure him. Sort of. Just then Hank develops blemishes on his skin, which is stage two. When he reaches the fourth stage he becomes volatile. Dean reassures Hank that their father can fix the problem since he's a super genius with 'chemestry stuff'. Brock is quick to note that they don't even know where Dr. Venture is, and frankly, this is out of his league. This causes Dean to finally freak out like the Dean we all know and love.
Dean attempts to run away in panic, but Brock stops him, telling him that there's one man on the planet that might be able to help. And Brock knows where he is.
Back at II, Ned carries an unconscious Dr. Venture to his room with Sally. Sally tells Ned to get back to his room before Richard sees him out. Dr. Venture wakes up to Sally's still skinless face and starts to scream before Sally covers his mouth. Sally confesses that it takes all her concentration to keep from turning invisible, and with the drinking she had some issues. Of course, she can only turn her skin invisible.
She then tells Dr. Venture about an experiment gone wrong of Richard Impossible that caused himself, Sally, her brother Cody and Ned (her mentally handicapped cousin) to be transformed. Ned became a 'walking callous', Cody can't be exposed to oxygen without bursting into flames and Richard got the best of the deformities by only becoming super stretchy. Speaking of super stretchy, Richard has been listening the entire time by stretching his ear into Dr. Venture's room. He ponders to himself.
He keeps us hidden away from his government investors. Ned's used that the kind of treatment being a retard, and poor Cody's unconscious most of the time but it's been so hard for me. [she begins to cry]
Just then the prof. I walks in, asking if Sally is bothering Dr. Venture. She quickly makes her skin visible again (her back was to him when he entered) and tells him that she only came by for his sample. He takes the sample and Sally leaves the room. Just then the professor grabs Dr. Venture, suggesting they take a 'little ride'.
Over the arctic tundra (or somewhere similar) the professor drives his hover jet thing with Dr. Venture a considerable distance and an engine away from the professor. The professor talks to Dr. Venture, but Dr. Venture can't really hear him. The professor says that he gave Dr. Venture a chance and all he had to do was follow a few simple rules, but he failed. It was one thing to make a pass at his wife, but going into restricted areas is just going too far!
He lands the jet and they have a conversation Dr. Venture can actually hear:
I'm glad we had this little talk, Dr. Venture. Believe you-me, I understand how it is. Being couped up in a windowless building for at the North Pole for an entire month. It can get to a man. Make him do... crazy things.
No! Really, I'm fine. I mean, it's only been a couple of days.
No, no. That's what I'm going to tell them. When they ask what happened to you, and I explain how you got cabin fever and wandered off to die in the snow. Goodbye, Dr. Venture.
With that he stretches over to his ship and flies off, leaving Dr. Venture to freeze to death. Dr. Venture yells after the professor just as his I-suit cracks and falls to pieces, leaving him naked and exposed. He picks up a piece which has a lable saying the suit should not be operated at temperatures below 0° Fahrenheit.
Meanwhile Brock and the boys are in the X-1, flying through the night sky. Dean is trying to get out of the airplane, but the door is locked. Just then he looks over at Hank, who has now grown a thick beard. Stage three.
Brock, I've thought a lot about it and, if we can't get the antidote in time and it comes down to it, I- well. I want you to be the one to kill me.
Don't talk like that, Hank. We're gonna fin-
Promise me, Brock!
Yes, I promise.
How would you do it?
You're asleep, quick jerk of the neck, never feel a thing.
You've thought about this.
Yes I have.
Just then Dean notices something outside the X-1.
Dr. Venture, in the mean time, trudges naked through the arctic wasteland muttering to himself. He steps in yellow snow and then hallucinates Sally telling him that she knows how to keep him warm. The image presented is too hilarious for words, so you can just view the image below and be sad you haven't seen the episode.
Dr. Venture runs towards her with joy, but it turns out she was a polar bear all along. The bear stands on its hind legs and is about to attack when Brock rushes in with his knife and kills and skins the bear in arounc three seconds. He gives the steaming skin to Dr. Venture to wear.
I think my foreskin might have just broken off. Wait a minute, are you a hallucination?
Affraid not, Doc.
What, did you miss me? What the hell are you doing here?
Hank's a bomb. Long story.
Back at II, Richard is talking to Sally when the team barges in. He tells them they can't go into the restricted area (he's blocking it off by stretching his body across the hallway) but Brock pleads for his help. Well, he's Brock Samson, so it's more like he just asked him.
The professor goes into a weird boxing stance (stretching in weird ways) since he thinks Brock wants to beat him up. Brock yells at the professor to stop and tells him that Hank's full of Goliath Serum. Hank hiccups. Stage four. Brock asks if there's an antidote and professor impossible reveals that if you kill him that will do the job. He points a gun at Hank, but Brock and then Dr. Venture step in front of Hank.
White and Billy come out of their rooms to see what the commotion is about. They attempt to convince the professor that they can find an antidote if they all work together, but the professor would still rather just shoot Hank. Just then Ned and Cody run out and grab the professor by the arms and tie him into a big ball.
There's then a short montage of the think tank (including Sally, exclusing the professor) creating the antidote. Dr. Venture injects it into Hank's arm and his beard and belmishes disappear. Success!
You freaking idiots. It didn't work. You people invented- [he sniffs the beaker with the antidote] Ranch dressing.
How did you get free?
There's a reason Ned's boots have velcro instead of laces, honey. Clearly the Goliath Serum just doesn't work on humans. We certainly never tested it on any. I mean, that was the whole point, you send a bug or a dog or something to blow up.
You just can't stand to see Dr. Venture succeed where you failed, can you Richard? You've been on his case since he got here! Well guess what, Richard, you lose again! I'm with Dr. Venture now!
Cool! I'm not gonna explode any more! Plus, free invisible mom.
HANK & DEAN
Go team Venture!
Hang on, I'm gonna get my things. [she runs off]
Roll end credits.
[SALLY is crying]
[looking into a microscope] You'll see, Sally, this is just a rough spot. In time, things will go back to the way they- hmmm. That's odd. Dr. Venture's... pregnant?!
[SALLY begins to cry even harder]
- Team Impossible is of course a fairly obvious parody of The Fantastic 4 with Professor Richard Impossible being Reed Richards, Sally is Sue, Ned is Ben and Cody as Johnny. If you're unfamiliar with the Fantastic 4, they gained their powers after being exposed to some cosmic radiation with each one gaining similar abilities as pictured here, only slightly (or a lot) less demented. For instance Johnny Storm can actually control the fire that covers his body, Sue can turn her entire body invisible and Ben wasn't a retard. You probably heard about the Fantastic 4 movie which was out in summer of 2005. Yeah, it wasn't very good.
- Race Bannon, of course, was the bodyguard of Dr. Benton Quest and Jonny Quest in the popular TV series Jonny Quest which Venture Brothers takes a bit of inspiration from. According to Jackson Publick, Race was originally going to be an agent named Hunter Cobb, and with him came a story about the serum, David Bowie, Brock and Molotov Cocktease. Alas, the story ran way too long, so that was all cut in favor of a generic secret agent:
So then it was back to him being just a nameless secret agent and that's when it hit us: Cartoon Network OWNS Race Bannon! Well, we just had to take advantage of that and kill him. It's also nice to just throw in this character from a show we're supposedly parodying as if to say "no, it's not a parody...they're in the same world!" Makes me want to do an episode with a grown up Jonny some time, but one can't wallow in parody all one's life, can one?
- Professor Impossible is voiced by Stephen Colbert, who frequents the Daily Show and also does the voice of Phil Ken Sebben and Reducto on Harvey Birdman which is also on AS.
- Similar to "Ghosts of the Sargasso", Soul-bot is credited as HELPeR in this episode as well, even though HELPeR is nowhere to be seen.
Addendum: Self-correction to this one. HELPeR actually has a very brief role in this episode. He's bandaging up Hank's head after the plane crash. He even makes a HELPeR noise, so fear not, Soul-Bot did not get a free paycheck! Rest well.
- I'm only mentioning this because there seems to be a bit of confusion, and in general explaining jokes with no story or reference behind them is kind of lame, but I've heard quite a lot of misconception about two of the jokes in this episode. The first one is after Dr. Venture and his cohorts create a 'cure' for Hank and Dr. Impossible shows up even though he was tied up into a ball before then. When asked how he escaped his response is "there's a reason Ned's boots have velcro instead of laces, honey." This is a joke about the fact that Ned is a retard and can't tie knots very well. I don't know how people missed that, but I've seen and heard a lot of it, so there you go.
- The second one is at the veeeery end when Prof. Impossible shockingly says that Dr. Venture is pregnant. This has nothing at all to do with Dr. Venture because if you'll remember he never gave Prof. Impossible a sample of his own urine (nor did he ever intend to). The sample was in fact Sally Impossible's if you remember from roughly 15 minutes prior when she gave it to Dr. Venture to hand in (before they started drinking). That's why she starts to cry even harder. It has nothing to do with Dr. Venture's 'pregnancy' in Return to Spider-Skull Island, because it wasn't his pee. Nothing like having jokes explained to you and killing all the humor, huh?